Jim

during my next rap battle i’m going to compare them to the gross little strings you have to pull off of your banana

a man with a beard is wearing a red jersey and looking at the camera . Alt: a basketball man with a beard and wearing a red jersey looks at the camera when a microphone is put in his face. He then dramatically swoops his eyes far left and slides his body offscreen wordlessly.

Ya know, fuck all this bullshit going on right now.

it’s gonna be 67° this week; move aside snowsuit depression, it’s time for sundress depression

“Not everything has to be transactional,” I explain to my golden retriever

not now babe i’m filling the bathtub with wrasslin’ jello

Camels think they’re hot shit, I got fatty lumps too playboi nobody cares

trying to make sure i’m eating enough vegetables so tonight i had carrot cake for dinner

Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful. Hate me because I’m always right.

I’m convinced I was hypnotized as a small child to make all of the dumb life choices I have made
therefore none of my mistakes are my fault

not to brag but I can scroll my phone for hours on end without feeling the least bit bad about it

fren

If you say "l have a mental illness" = too generic and people will judge you for it. But if you say "My bloodline is cursed to fight unseen demons" = sounds so heroic, so fairytale -esque that it's too weird for further discussion.

✨

Your pets have joined a class action suit against you for posting their photos without consent.

G'morning Mark! Have a great day!

My big gray tomcat lying across my forearm as I’m seated at a table trying to read some papers

Pay attention to me!

Little Debbie has seen me at my highest and my absolute rock bottom

why does monday keep respawning. i defeated this boss LAST WEEK. where is my loot? where is my peace?

starting the morning right with a nice scream of "fuuuuuuuuucck!!!"

Did I attend a six year old’s birthday party today at an old school arcade?

Yes

Did I have just as much fun as said six year old?

Also, yes

bare street enchiladas

dressed street enchiladas

street enchiladas

Just because you don’t require much doesn’t mean that you don’t deserve the bare minimum

I get excited for food more than I get excited about almost anything else. I’m gonna do my little dance while I eat it too

Me after noticing a slight change in someone's energy towards me: bart writing "don't overthink it" on a chalkboard multiple times

always and exhausted

Good morning, humans. 🌞 ☕️

You really do have the most beautiful faces. May you realise the preciousness of time in each moment. Nothing is permanent.

🎶 Do You Realize?? - Flaming Lips 🎶

“You realize the sun doesn't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round…”

If I text you “interesting haha” know that it’s not actually interesting and it’s not actually funny

To the people who have their shit together: the fuck?

so are you extremely online here often?

Bluesky, clouds at top, moon like a button in the middle

My Bluesky tonight

do you think ducks are upset we call bad doctors “quacks”

this is going on a tshirt