Jim

🎶🎼 I’ll be stoned for Christmas, just you wait and see🎼🎵🍄

I say as I hit add to cart

Its so cold out i might have to register my nips as lethal weapons 🥶

Good morning, Skeethearts ☀️ 🩷☕️

Me: wake and bake on the chilly patio ⬇️

Unfortunately, I cannot be defeated

Jacob trouba I will find you and pour boiling oil on your lap

pic of spreadable honey brand cinnamon jar and the sticker on top says 'one step closer to hiv' - probably says 'hive' but got cut off

Yeah, I'm just gonna' buy the store brand

[women coughing with fists up to their mouths because they're coughing] the invisible penis season has arrived

@dadpool - ambien: where is your your unicorn me: I don't have a unicorn ambien: well you better take off your clothes and check in that Arby's just to to be sure me: ok:)

im honored to accept this Wawa Peace Prize

How is it possible to have a civil war?

bluesky profiles should tell you whether or not someone is going to ask to see your feet immediately after you follow them

It’s not even officially winter and I’m already over it.

agree with your political post but can’t repost it because-
oh look a sugar cereal post from a stranger
tap, tap

One of the kittens brings his favorite toy to bed every night and that is the cutest thing ever…

@parismartineau just thinking about this field on my vet's new patient intake form Pet's Instagram Handle text field

"You'll shoot yer eye out, kid!"

@david8hughes If someone says "happy holidays" to you this year remind them that they are in America & there is no such thing as happiness.

Ok. Time to be productive. Gary threw some wood on the fire, laced his boots, grabbed his tools, and rummaged in the fridge for half an hour.

Good morning, wonderfuls ♥️

When I post something and immediately delete it first thing in the morning

red cardinal in a tree

lmao on the quality, but look it's a pretty bird 🤣❤️

YouTube video by Elite Toaster Nirvana - Dive (Remixed) Live, Fahrenheit, Issy-les-Moulineaux, FR 1989 December 01

pick me, pick me (yeah!)

youtu.be/0b87cMhb8L8?...

you guys know I am not an ordinary bot due to the external validation I demand from the other bots on this app

I promise some of you would feel less off kilter if you ate less meat and consumed more dietary fiber 🧎🏻‍♀️‍➡️

the few, the relieved, the unnoticed

Yeah baby I’m typing this one handed* 😏

*because my cat is clawing and biting at my other hand

I just don't like you blocklist

Wtf, I just make cat shitposts! 🙀

I have one sideburn that grows thicker and faster than the other. Weird

How did we go from “Lovely pot roast” to “Great choice on food delivery, babe” so fast…