jortsparty

sort of tired again

“Smash or Pass” is out…we’re doing “Eat or Yeet” now

All this Dropout content is sorta funny but I can’t shake the feeling there’s something so evil brimming just below the surface

That’s bc paninis are temporary

Super skeptical when people have separate social media accounts for personal and professional…what do u think ur hiding?…everyone already knows everyone else is disgusting…

my phoot phell asleep

Jocks engage in deviant sexual practices but theatre nerds engage in deviant sexual rehearsals

Amused at all the tributes that are basically like here lies Robert Redford, who was hot

Every Star Trek series has one to two real freaks named something along the lines of “Stinko”

I can write you a beach play! Gimme a couple years

In hell the only books are Dean Spade

Every og Star Trek ep sets up a fascinating sci-fi premise, the center of which is revealed within ten minutes to be the handiwork of a basically normal guy with one weird trait or power. In rare cases it’s a species of fucked-up mommies.

S1 E7 of “Star Trek: The Animated Series” ends with a giant clone of Mr. Spock deciding to live peacefully on the planet Phylos and assist in the repopulation efforts of a species of intelligent humanoid plants. The last shot is Sulu winking into the camera after Captain Kirk makes a stupid quip.

nom nom nom

Your Honor, I had no choice but to take a hit of weed immediately after brushing my teeth because I’d intended to hold off on brushing said teeth for that exact reason but then I absent-mindedly brushed them anyway. Does the Prosecution really expect Americans in that position not to hit their pipe?

Everyone in the Bake Off tent is wearing shades of blue with the exception of Prue Leith, who is clad in bubblegum pink and her teeth are dripping with blood

A lot of my new friends have Texas lore

some people just have a natural maternal instinct, you know?

In Miller’s “Death of a Snailman”, Willy Slowman is a traveling salesman with a huge problem in terms of efficiency.

Theatre has been doing the subscription model since long before we had an internet and it has always sucked

Lesbianism is when you’re racist to lesbians

More unprofessional to check serialized erotic literature updates at work or Fox News headlines?

Tim Robinson is funny in the same way the Democratic Party is leftwing.

Better do another one of my chuckle-deflecting characters who is really stupid and loves to yell

Tim Robinson is one of the most almost-funny comedians out there

Cooking tip: if you time your flossing correctly, you can experiment with how all kinds of flavors mix with blood (:

Omfg

Grubhub is short for grubby husband

somebody had to acknowledge it

HOT egg !!