M.Greaney

The great equalizer between the toast and homefries as well

The dopamine I derive from
posting to social media is so, so chintzy and short lived ngl

the other: You need to get your sh*t together

Me: I’ll just watch some car detailing videos on TikTok and bask in the dopamine instead

#social #anxieties

Baking cakes with Jane Fondant #bakery #bakedgoods

favorite automobile traveling pastime activity. Me first, picking my nose in peace and goddamn silence

you know there’s a guy who took a 10 year break from the internet and was astonished to find out that OnlyFans was not a company specializing in ventilation systems. He was most definitely “Blown away” by what he found. #jokes #funny #thisguyhasjokes

Just in Quiche #deli #bakery

Keys, phone, wallet reminder out the door now includes ‘re-usable bags’ which doesn’t have the same ring to it but we are saving the planet here people #planet #earth

Reaching your health insurance deductible is the purple nurple of just existing #healthinsurance #nurple

A window treatment biz called “love is blinds” #valentinesday #love

The breakdown in Joshua Giraffe by Raffi slaps I don’t care what you say #parenting #dad #jokes

100% probability someone will say “do you want me to call it?” after a person misplaces their phone within a domicile

self proclaiming to have “a strong personality” is just relishing in the fact that you are a complete asshole most of the time to others.

A can of olives that comes with a little gift on it inscribed, “pimento of the occasion”

Death Metal dude with neck tat unanimously agreed to be a 'big teddy bear' once you get to know him #metal

Werner Herzog is to Sir David Attenborough as Nietzsche is to Kierkegaard #writing #jokes #existentialism #nihilism #etc

Bicycle rider excited to try that hand turn signal this spring that no one ever knows which direction they are actually going to go

Dad joke:

if your personal finances were a type of 17th century art movement , what would they be?

Son: Baroque

Keys—check. Wallet—check. iPhone—check. Couple of
@TUMSOfficial
in case people start talking about politics—check.

googling if something you dropped on the floor is poisonous to dogs instead of just picking it up #google #jokes

Someone at the hardware asking if you need help finding something feels like an act of war and aggression #bro #writer #capable #individual

I can’t wait til #lacroix starts producing tall boys #seltzer #commercial #writer

No one: