grouch

My hands are shaking.....
Am I addicted to yaoi...?

in the meantime i’ve compiled the 7 songs i’m thinking about the most today:

1. Landslide - Fleetwood Mac
2. When the Day Met the Night - Panic!
4. The Only Exception - Paramore
5. luther - Kendrick & SZA
5. Northern Downpour - Panic!
6. Something Comforting - Porter
7. breaking news - flowerovlove

it’ll probably be some time before i feel content with a final version of my list of 7 songs but i will probably have filled pages in my notebook by the time i’m done.

the 6 other songs i’ve gone back and forth with, thinking about when i first listened to it, why i keep going back to them, and it’s resulted in a lot of swapping. i’m having a lot of fun thinking about all these songs though and have really fell deeper in love with some of them as a result.

i can’t think of a better way to boil down empathy and how simple it really is than this lyric. i think about it constantly: “I wish you could know what it means to be me
Then you'd see and agree
That every man should be free” the song performed by Nina Simone absolutely is a masterpiece.

one of the things i’ve been pondering the past few months has been a list of 7 songs after i heard a podcast about this. a simple prompt about 7 songs that have meant a lot to me in my life. One song that undoubtedly makes the list for me is “I Wish I Knew How It Would Feel To Be Free”

i was telling my coworker that i’ve been rewatching episodes of ‘New Girl’ and he goes “Oh… like just by yourself?… alone?” yes dude, i watch that shit gladly on my own volition in my apartment alone while eating takeout on a weeknight. can i just talk about shit without catching strays 😭

i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again: trans rights are human rights.

i need to go to sleep maybe tomorrow i wake up back to my normal modern life and not this bizarro state of mind i can’t even put into words lol. i blame the moon or the stars or some external force. if there ever was a day in my life i felt like i was being Truman Showed, it’s today.

from the moment i woke up, nothing has made any sense to me today. thoughts running through my mind i can’t make heads or tails of why they are happening. people telling me things i can’t comprehend with my mortal brain. i need a hard reset for my brain man what is going on lmfao 😭

text from a person with initials “NH” saying that we should meet in the country of Kyrgyzstan. also says “Up to u guys”

trying to solidify plans but there’s always that one friend in the group that casually suggests the most inconvenient place to meet

sorry i can’t hang out right now, im really upset over drama i remembered that did not involve me in any way and happened to people i’ve never met before.

if there ever was a thing in this world that could convince me that the potential heartbreak of a love reaching the end of its road is enough not even try, it’s watching Lindsey and Stevie just stare each other down performing “Silver Springs” live together.

listened to both “Rumours” and self-titled this weekend, there’s something special about the Stevie Nicks songs on those albums. that woman feels with 110% of her heart.

Art of Ophilia Clement from Octopath Traveller

Starting my FF Ambassador stream art thread 💖 Started off strong tonight with Ophilia Clement (Octopath) for @grouchobarx.bsky.social

That’s the hero of my travels🥰🥰🥰 Ophilia when Worrywart doesn’t Inhibit Defenses and just Head Bashes Mattias a billion times. Tune in to Izzy’s streams, she’s already raised so much money for a great cause and she’ll be streaming more fantastic art at twitch.tv/yogcavey starting at 3:30pm EST!

Promotional poster with a drawing of me leaning on an old CRT TV that has Faith in it. Text reads: The Frost Fatales 2026 Ambassador Program Presents: Donations for Doodles, Benefitting NWLC. Cheap art for charity! I'll draw you! Your dog! Your ship! Your blorbo! Whatever you want, really, just donate. Free art raffles open to everyone at every hundred dollar milestone! Feb 19, 20, 21 at 3:30pm eastern. twitch.tv/yogcavey

I am so excited to be a Frost Fatales ambassador to support the amazing work NWLC does by doing what I love most: drawing!!
Please share this far and wide, and be sure to follow my twitch so you don't miss it. It would mean the world to me to see you all there 💛💜 twitch.tv/yogcavey

my wo-chien arc starts today

ok fair enough but then if i got rid of my spine then i could sleep in a hammock?

what if i sold my bed and instead just slept in a hammock.

there’s still tension between us but those photos, the memories of when they showed me love, the messages they sent me when i was at my lowest. those were the reasons i went back and fought for our relationship. it took time and sometimes i wanted to pull my hair from my head but it was worth it.

my adolescence and early adult years were marred with a fraught relationship with my parents. we fought constantly over who i truly was and what my future would look like. i never got the sense they saw me for the true me and what i actually valued in this life. they told me i threw my life away.

i spent some time going through family photos with my parents, photos that were more than 30 years old. we all looked so different back then. but it was my way to see how much my parents did in fact love me. how my dad stared at me while i as a baby sat on his chest, the way my mom used to hold me.

about once a month i remember Fleetwood Mac was a thing and its the best day ever as i listen to “Silver Springs” on repeat. Stevie Nicks, the woman you are.

🤝

today i found and tried on some clothes i had from my freshman year of high school and they still fit me?! i don’t know if i should be happy i still fit in them or incredibly sad that i haven’t grown at all in 21 years.

my running shoes tied together hanging off the side mirror on my jeep. my strava stats show my morning run of 18 miles in 2 hours 19 minutes at a 7:43 per mile pace.

valentines day with my great consuming love: running. just me, my shoes, and those dirt packed roads i love oh so much

me trying to remember the lyrics to ‘When the Day Met the Night’ by Panic!: “When the moon… hits your eye, like a big pizza pie that’s amore”

i don’t like to think that the thoughts in those notebooks never had a purpose. if i’m not able to go back and sift through them, it’s easy for me to fall into a trap and think it was pain felt for nothing or thoughts that never held any worthwhile space. i think about those lost words a lot.

the romantic in me likes to think about a young boy picking up one of my found notebooks and reading the poems, travel journal entries and lingering thoughts that fill those pages and inspiring them to travel or write on their own. like tressa in the first octopath traveler game.