Ophie is open for commissions!

real 😭

ahhh congrats darling :))))

got such a spark of joy when my friend, in all seriousness, called him “that charles church guy or whatever”

also known by its brand name: “see alice? I told you it still worked”

better than mine: “ta-dah! I’ll-ah fill you up now!”

…it only really works for italian trans girls

when the girls are over you best BELIEVE I’m lovingly washing and kissing their feet

oh so when jesus gets into a solo poly dynamic with 12 of his besties it’s fine, when I do it I’m “undermining core values of the church”

I can still be hot, dammit!!

*sobbing* listen, it was one coding internship the summer after college, it didn’t mean anything 😭

“I realize I’m talking through a wall of dead children”

I mean, you said it

my boyfriend keeps excitedly referencing the tower of babel like he’s starstruck

people think nudity is weak or humiliating, no way. I’m doing heroic nudity, I’m coating myself in blue paint and going into battle on that ass

yorgos lanthimos take the estrogen I am no longer asking

I fuck in a big bed with my wife

you people don’t want sex. you want to endlessly critique sex

maybe if josh trank had named the damn film fanT4Tic he could have gotten some asses in seats

oh shit I forgot about that

who could’ve possibly predicted that AI boosters are all salivating measureheads

happy for yall :’)

I hope the nominee is some fucker I’ve never heard of before like, 2027

Dersh fantasizing about the Budd Dwyer special

If you’re still in line, STAY IN LINE

😢

the back of GOP Virginia Gov nominee Winsome Earl Sears campaign bus engulfed in flames

eh, ya winsome, ya lose some 🤷‍♀️

dick cheney died right as locktober ended, makes you think

I found out dick cheney died when I opened my eyes this morning to my beautiful wife beaming at me with a pure, joyful smile and a gleam in their eye

🎺rejoice and be merry in songs and in mirth🎺

post crab gifs in chat all ye mortals on earth

for dick cheney just died with a hole in his heart

cause they ran out of pig valves and it just wouldn’t start

I draw you into a shrimpy fetal creature endearingly

there’s a goddamn cheeto in meet n’ fuck kingdom, steve