♭ june (it/she/they)

i made this acc and shortly after i stopped being the host sodjjs oops

the brain threw me to the front today and i actually wanna enjoy today a bit

but we have art therapy and im nervous about that bc ive never been (only quinn and tiger) sksjjw but im sure im just worrying too much /lh

#system

it feels like no matter if i "decide" im a singlet or system, for both "options" i need to go lengths to explain why i am what i am, both just doesn't really make sense and neither feels truly right

#systemsky #didosdd #anti-endo #syssky #didalters

and the more specific traumatic events that happened after we were like 8 seem to be stored in trauma holders that don't front, unless triggered, and we can pretty much avoid those triggers (we're in a mostly safe living environment since 3 years) (+)

TW death

(+ we almost died at birth and i still wonder how that affected our development and ability to cope with stuff)

TW death over

theres not many single events that we could have a specific flashback off (+)

sometimes i also think its hard for me/us to actually have flashbacks of a traumatic event bc most of our trauma was simply growing up unaccommodated autistic, parents emotionally neglecting me and basically never having had any trusted/safe person growing up (+)

ive tried to explain the symptoms w the unstable identity of BPD and being very creative and a "in my own world" typa person (at least thats who i was as a kid, now im not constantly daydreaming or whatever anymore)

i just cant make sense of it (+)

like its been 2 years now that ive been "living as a system" and some closer friends have told us that apparently they really notice the difference between our alters, that our body language and the way we talk and stuff really changes (+)

//vent, tw system denial

idk how to deal w denial especially bc i dont even feel like its denial bc i dont actually think i could be a system

i somehow kinda barely show cPTSD symptoms but i dont know how to explain my "alters" otherwise (+)

#osdd #didsystem #didalters #alters #systemsky

for context, we're not diagnosed yet and havent been able to directly bring up our suspicion of being a system, we've only been mentioning various symptoms (dissociative symptoms, identity alteration/confusion & emotional amnesia)

we hope that she at some point puts together the pieces :')

whats spravato if u dont mind explaining? :0

(no, im not saying im more comfortable dating minors, not at all, i just hate my situation in general)

#alters #dissociativeidentitydisorder #didsystem #systemaccount #dissociasky

//vent

+ having an alter age of 16-19 and being bodily almost 23 just sucks too

ik alter age isnt as important as body age, but i still feel weird dating someone around 23 bc *i* personally feel like a literal minor sometimes (+)

#syssky #did #dissociativeidentitydisorder #systemaccount #didosdd

and dating as a system is even harder bc we are out as transmasc and people view me as a (nonbinary) masc person
but i am fem! i want to be someone gf! not bf! and i also dont wanna date a gay guy bc he shouldnt actually be attracted to *me* specifically

but ig this is my life now

//vent

last night i once again dreamt about dating someone
it really sucks :/ it makes me even more upset that apparently im not loveable enough + it jsut makes me feel stupid
im so obsessed w wanting to be loved and wanting to be in a relationship that i even dream about it (+)

//vent

ig im gonna share this here too

like i am more mature than a physically 16-19 y/o person but it still feels weird

#systemsky #did #dissociasky #didosdd #osdd

//vent

ive been struggling w denial ahain recently but then again
if i was a singlet i wouldnt have transitioned but here we are, physically transmasc w an afab demigirl host

#did #dissociasky #didalters #endosdni #didsystem

//vent

for a second i thought i could actually go to sleep (and its only 4am, wow!) but seems like now im stuck again and cant get up to get to bed *sigh*

#didosdd #didsystem #osddsystem #systemsky #syssky

oop- good to know /lh
thanks for letting me know!

i feel like i'll mainly use this acc to vent but i'll try to tag vents as such (if i remember 😭 /lh)

#didosdd #dissociasky #endosdni #pluralsky #alters

feels good having my own acc ekdjjss
i felt weird making one bc im the host of my sys and im fronting most of the time anyway
but feels good having my own things anyway

#pluralsky #didosdd #dissociativeidentitydisorder #endosdni #syssky

june's carrd 🌿

welcome to my acc! 🌿

pls read my carrd before u follow ^-^

#syssky #systemsky #did #didsystem #osdd

so-junecore.carrd.co