Shelley

Thanks for reminding me to take my allergy meds instead of constantly thinking I have covid. Hey, I can breathe again!

Could be worse--could be a trumpet or drums.

A bowl of boiling hot clam chowder.

Big THICC body, leeeeeetle tiny head

I didn't realize they made suit jacket hoodies.

I had a hot dog yesterday, and it did seem to upset my stomach, so I guess I've already sacrificed that period of healthy life. Onward to the next hot dog!

Also I think she has three knees? Which I guess is good for hooping--if you bust one, you've got a spare right there.

I was like "Hmm, I doubt it's this, but it'll at least give me info about where some letters are," and then that was it. So, yeah, cool.

Andrew, touching people is what got you into trouble in the first place. Please stop.

Please report back on it. I'm intrigued, but also fearful.

Pretty rude to have all that sandwich talk without Roth.

So, the plan is to form a "strategic alliance" of people no one likes, and... people will vote their candidate? Irrefutable logic there, "Gov." Patterson, if that is your real name.

The legend continues

It's like Christmas in July!

Good luck! Just don't let Princess Purrle Paralegal or Chuck B. Whiskers, Esq. copyedit--cats have notoriously terrible grammar and spelling.

Let they who have not shoved their entire head inside a White Cheddar Smartfood bag cast the first stone.

I'd like her to point to exactly when he called for violence against Jewish people. Cite your sources.

Pretty sure I've hit 4--might have been 3.5. It was loud, too! I'm suddenly so proud of myself.

It's very refreshing to see a Democratic politician call an asshole an asshole, instead of trying to couch it in mealy-mouthed terms like "out of touch" or "ineffective" or whatever. No, Adams is an asshole, end of story.

Man, this withered sex pest isn't dead yet?!

"You can take our freedom, but you can never take our farfalle!"

Doesn't matter what kind of crisis is going on, Italians always going to put out a spread.

I love cuddling a pet that's been lazing in the sun all day--they're so warm, like sheets fresh out of the dryer.

He definitely thinks he looks like Cyclops from X-Men, and he would think Cyclops is the coolest X-Man.

He should start with the hair.

"If we all just eat turtle pellets, we too can grow shells that will provide a barrier viruses can't penetrate."

If I were one of those maybe-dads, I would absolutely want to see the DNA results before spending thousands on a flight and hotel. Wait, there's going to be lots of ABBA songs? Nevermind, I'm already at the airport.

Kid probably having Big Feelings because they just learned they're missing out on 90-proof brandy.

If the Bears make a playoff run, George Wendt should be immediately canonized.

Amanda Johnson is a "content creator" because no way in hell would people actually hire her to help them organize their homes.