dr fart

men don’t understand the singular they until a girl is in a story they want to tell their gf

i love old faded tattoos on old wrinkley people i think it looks so cool i can’t wait to be a really old woman with loads of blobby blurry wrinkly tattoos

wake up hungover as shit and googling just the word “news”

bad day at work got me calling my bf my dad and my sister to gurn on the phone lmfao

sometimes u have a day at work so bad u just gotta sit alone on the landing and drink tinned vodka soda limes in silence

home drunk asf knowing i’ve ordered enough kfc to feed a small family feels so good

i love telling males i was at the man city vs man u match where wayne rooney kicked a goal over his head because they all know exactly what match i’m talking abt & bc i know nothing abt football

ice cream vans in winter r so creepy turn that music OFF

listening to my top 100 of all time on apple music and being like FAWK this is a banger every single song

I THINK ABOUT JUMPING!!! OFF OF VERY TALL SOMETHINGS!!! JUST TO SEE YOU COME RUNNING!!!

when matty healy said “i’ll try to get a job in a bank i think” i took that one to heart

do any cool alternative nail girls in belfast do appointments outside of mon-fri 9-5 PLEASE I HAVE A JOB

i want to drive away with you i want your complications too i want your dreary mondays WRAP UR ARMS AROUND ME BABY BOY!!!!!!!!!!

remember when off licences closed at 11? we used to be a country

whenever i have to ask for someone’s DOB in work and it’s also my bday i physically cannot hold myself back from telling them thats my birthday too

karma’s a relaxing thought, aren’t you envious that for you it’s not?

i got my bf a yankees cap for vday and he got me doc martens ive been mogged again

i’m just big and bloated and half cut in a bikini

the hard water in mexico is RAVAGING my skin and hair i look like a flaky frizzy dried up cornflake

salt water has pure stripped my hair LMAO

i’m the whitest person at this resort in cancún. the sun is bouncing off my skin and blinding everyone

i want you to show me what you mean, then help me with the crossword in the morning. you are gonna make me tea. gonna ask me how did i sleep.

it’s actually illegal to go on holiday as an irish person and not bring a gaa jersey with you

*brandishes FBI badge* It’s a-me, Mario

i hate slickbacks i won’t lie they r so ugly

lock on bathroom in pub i frequent was broken for 3 years and i messaged them on facebook asking them to fix it and they did

i won’t ever visit the USA again after going twice a year for years. they’re not getting another red cent out of me

the beauty of my house is during the winter the insulation is so bad that my house is constantly freezing and in summer the insulation is so bad that the house is a fucking hotbox

just got small talk with the bus driver so right that i’m genuinely pleased with myself

sick over xmas break sick right now sick in june last summer whilst in spain. ok