starre 💫💗🎩 || The OTHER "Mr. Speedwagon"

i am once again glazing myself

i will never be "culturally normal" sir. eat my ass.

one of the things that pisses me off the most as a trans guy is that my voice (almost always) sounds ***way*** deeper to me than it does everyone else

(though i have been told throughout my youth -- mainly via the form of mocking by my cis female family members -- that's still pretty deep/monotone)

my voice sounds so deep reverberated in my ears... i've been thinking about doing gay things with dudes for years... imagine my tears:

astonished when in the mirror, i do not see -- the image of the man i'm supposed to be reflected back at me.

what the fuck is this horrible curse i've been given?

wang chan looking like a little sad bitch in the clutches of robert e. o. speedwagon (completely oblivious to the fact that i would **gladly** switch places with him in a hEARTBEAT-)

"wAAAahh speedwagon caught me i'm so depresseddd"

BE. GRATEFUL !!!#@!#@$ 💢💢

every now and then i have to remind myself that i'm a natural human being of the earth with biological needs -- ***not*** a corporate machine.

i'm sick too... much too sick for someone my age and i'm tired of society making me feel like it makes me lesser as a person, or that i've wasted my life away just by resting the amount that my body now needs to function 💔😢

"i used to be able to do so much... now i'm a failure"

says me, the burnt out possibly AuDHD young adult who for most of my life up until this point, purposely pushed myself too far just to prove that i was more than a small town hick with no inherent value until i earned it in the eyes of others

NAHHHH WHAT THEY STILL MAKE EPISODES ??????

F UCK THAT- ;;; ; STSYFUJKHDFU

if my strange addiction or whatever the fuck was still on air today.... oh my god i'd be in trouble LMFAOOO

imagining what it would be like if *speedwagon* was the one who self-shipped w/ me in his world -- not the other way around

obviously he'd go about it differently... he'd probably be embarrassed; unlike me who takes so much pride in it, i can't just go to the dang store without it being obvious !!!

woo-hoo~

robert e. o. speedwagon is once again, the reason i have not ended it all yet<3333333

do i miss the days of the whole lgbtqia+ community & our allies standing in *true* solidarity with each other, so much so that it seemed like social progress could only go up from there (the 2010s era) -- or do i just miss being young & naïve enough to believe that that was ever the case in reality-

people who sleep in actual bedrooms with windows what is it like

A quote I saw recently that I since have not been able to stop thinking about... Its message means a lot to me, and I wholeheartedly agree. 🙏❤

“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy. The true neighbor will risk his position, his prestige, and even his life for the welfare of others.”

- Martin Luther King, Jr. (1963)

I used to like to think of Speedwagon as my urbex guy.

The one who comes along after the fact to marvel at the remains of my being, to study and remember the lovely past I once held so dear. The one who respects and appreciates me after the fall -- but...

do not think for a second that i would ever criticize my own people or complain about oppression from within these walls without recognizing the privileges *i* happen to benefit from -- i'm just not that kind of guy. so don't worry.

i just get passionately upset about the injustice of it **ALL**. ❤️‍🩹

i do think it's utter bullshit though (+ COMPLETELY against our famed "ideals" as a nation, btw) that even trans* citizens who have ***LEGALLY*** transitioned (think drivers licences & passports) are being punished by the government currently.

we are BARELY acknowledged in society, and when we (rarely) are, get thrown under the bus by even our own community CONSTANTLY -- it's almost like a sport to them (ironically) to see how much they can make a single marginalized minority group suffer the most/even more...!!! RIDICULOUS

oh -- & white. & male. & overwhelmingly christian (in the U.S., at least)

same ol' conversations where i just beg people to realize that a lot of this infighting stems from the simple desire to survive (as well as insecurity in one's self) within a stifling society where only the cis, hetero, neurotypical & able-bodied thrive.

please proceed in life with more empathy.

same ol' conversations where i just beg people to realize that a lot of this infighting stems from the simple desire to survive (as well as insecurity in one's self) within a stifling society where only the cis, hetero, neurotypical & able-bodied thrive.

please proceed in life with more empathy.

y'all do hear yourselves, right?

is this really the time to be making such harmfully ignorant & privileged statements about a portion of the population (even some of your OWN, other queer folks -- y'all should KNOW better) in the *minority*, struggling a lot more just to **EXIST** in society...???

so if i can't afford (or realistically locate where i'm from) good, safe, trans inclusive care, hormones or surgery, that makes me not trans enough in one's eyes??? even if i still suffer from gender dysphoria (largely on the social level)

i deserve to have my identity disrespected, & even erased??

victim blamers/questioners/deniers suuuuuck duddeee 💔💔💔

i've been told my whole life:

"it can't be that bad"

"you're making it all up -- excuses"

MOTHERFUCKER NOOOO YOU DON'T KNOW ****ANYTHING**** ACTUALLY- 😭😭

i swear to GOD i did not waste my youth up until this point picking up their slack + hiding everything from everyone in my life with the authority to help just for this kind of bullshit to happen i did NOOOT!!!$@%!

FUCK PEOPLE LIKE MY PARENTS DUDE THEY HAVE GIVEN. UUUUP

THEY DO. NOT. C ARE!!!!