Ash's Thoughts 📘

Block me if you want.. i just hope & pray that you'll understand me one day.

Take care friend. 😮‍💨❤️‍🩹

But i guess that wasn't lookes at that way. I guess i was too annoying about trying to care for you & help you understand things.

Esp since as a friend, if i see smth that i think isn't right. Then i should speak up. & so i did. & then i got shut out.. so which it is? You want me to talk or not?

But if things take a turn on you & it hurts you... Don't say that you weren't warned. Because i did my best to be a good friend that i am able to be. But clearly u had more important things to do than take my advice into consideration..

Bc as an adult, it's my job to teach & protect the best i can.

It hurts watching this..

I've tried to be nice, i've tired to be patient, i've tried to tell & warn u but u just don't listen..

Still complaining abt not hving more ppl on here, Went behind Matt's back.. i can't.

I tried to help, but u clearly dont want it. So i'll take the hint & leave.

I don't want to block u or mute certain *WORDS & ACCS*, but i feel like i hv no choice.

I tried so painfully hard to be patient for you, bc i know how young you are. But this constant back to back nonsense & even tending to disregard anything i tell you that what you're doing is wrong.. im done. 🥲

How can you get all sad whenever i leave, but yet you continue to do stuff that pains me.. I WANT to talk to you & be with you on here but ur making it so hard & difficult for me to enjoy ur company on here..

I feel like leaving once again, but for good.. I'm literally so sick of this.. it hurts 💔

Matt Harris made it clear that he didn't want this to happen. But yet this happened anyways. It feels disrespectful & it makes it worse when i know who did it is close to me..

Young of age or not, going behind someone's back & doing this is wrong. Ik i'd be pissed if it was me.

I fr hate it here..

I SHOULD'VE LISTENED TO MYSELF & LEAVE FOR GOOD! I'M SUCH AN F-ING IDIOT!!! I HATE MYSELF

I just need to go breathe.. because i can't.

My heart is hurting so much- i feel sick-

& Asmr isn't helping me calm down..

I feel like crying.. I feel like a jacka-- .. i feel terrible.. i want to have a breakdown..

I want to disappear again.. i'm hurt.. i'm on the verge of leaving again.. the feeling is strong again..

I don't deserve ppl.

I wish i was numb to pain..

But dude i seriously feel like crying because of how scared i was.. His creepy face horrifys me.. i hate it. He even looked around, had his eyes open wide, looked at me for a good solid 10 seconds- Like just leave stuff outside my room atp & screw off-

Keep your creepy self away from me & my room..

I'm trying my best to calm down & breathe.. i asked God to help me. Thank you. Sorry for my stress..

*just distract yourself Ash, he's just a creep.. At least he didn't touch you & didn't stay for long. I need to relax before it starts hurting more.*

Had to block my door up bc i srsly don't want him coming back. My room is supposed to be my safe space. But now im scared that he'll do this more..

Great.. now i need to take my Asprin thanks to that -ick.. my blood is boiling because of the trauma flashbacks he gave me.. gosh i actually want to hate him so bad..

Nah dude, i'm actually so uncomfortable. My heart is heavy. Thanks you creepy frick. Now you killed my mood.. screw you.

But thank you regardless

Ah, well i'm poor & even if i wasn't, i don't want to spend money on games unless it's for my Nintendo. Which, tbf, i kinda regret getting still since i had no idea Animal Crossing stopped updating until it was too late, & now i barely play it. So ya, i rather be smart with my money than throwing'em

Not my brother coming into my room to throw 2 boxes of Kleenex's on my bed (one of them nearly hitting me) while being creepy about it-

I hope to GOD he never does that again. Stay TF AWAY from MY ROOM YOU CREEPY TWIT-

That actually scared me & now i'm super uncomfortable.. i want him gone soon..

Paid as in, paid access?

Wasn't it via Github or smth? Can't fully remember tho.

I had a feeling that was the case, so i understand.

& yeah go right ahead. I'd love to hear them. 💙

I feel so selfish with this because i'm the one that brought it up..

Now my mind is making me think that coming back was a bad idea, because i'm making a "bad impact" again..

So now i'm debating if i should've listened or not..

Sorry, here, here's a better idea on what types of games i like/am interested in (ignore some of the horror ones since those i liked bc i played with friends years ago on their streams)

Final pic in comments. I hope this was more helpful, sorry :(

"You're a picky b-ch you know that?"

I have certain interests, how does that make me picky? Why do you have to sound like me parents?

"Picky picky picky."

I'm not picky..! I just have certain tastes. We all do, it's normal. So stop sounding like them..

"You picky picky girl."

... but i'm not..

I'm not familiar with it no. But i did look it up & it seems like a card game. I already have Solitaire & Spider on my phone & i rarely ever play them. So i doubt that game would interest me either.

But i appreciate your suggestion, thank you! 💙

I'm probably just tired. But i won't sleep, because it screws me over during the night. So i can wait it out.

Skillet: Back to life explains these perfectly.

I'll try to fix this. If i can.

Voided mind again.. not easy to fix. But i'll try. I'll try some things.

I doubt ASMR is going to cure it this time. It's a rare lucky chance. Like winning the lottery..