The Happy Nihilist's Dictionary

Foot: appendage you're constantly struggling to keep out of your mouth or up someone's ass.

Nightmare: Better woken up from than waking into.

Apology: A prayer to someone that exists.

Privilege: guarantees that more of the lessons you can learn from The School Of Hard Knocks are elective.

Politicize: What you should never do to a tragedy, unless I get the chance to do it first.

Chin (n.)- what humans wag since we don't have tails

Artist: worker that society has made every possible effort to avoid paying.

Poverty (n.): a debilitating illness with an inconveniently obvious cure.

Together: How we're all in this, regardless of how you feel about it.

Principles: unless they survive rigorous real-world testing, they are merely theories.

Authoritarianism: An Ideal form of government, if you agree with the authority. This will not help in the slightest if the authority decides to disagree with you.

Climate Change: A sinister plot by money hungry scientists foiled by the historically kindhearted and altruistic oil and gas industry.

Malignant Narcissism (n.)- the bad breath of mental disorders; you have it, but it’s everyone around you that suffers from it.

Gold (n.): toxic metal that kills indirectly

Queer (n.)- brave survivors of the Heteronormative Agenda

Comprehension (n.): when a concept or idea survives the arduous journey through your thick skull.

America (n.)-a place whose citizens value their personal freedoms, especially the right to tell people they’re doing freedom wrong.

America (n.)-a place whose citizens value their personal freedoms, especially the right to tell people they’re doing freedom wrong.