Mike Vogel

INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE

SECOND INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE OVER ZOOM TO MEET MORE OF THE TEAM

UNFORTUNATELY, YOU HAVE NOT BEEN SUCCESSFUL ON THIS OCCASION, BUT WE HOPE YOU'LL APPLY FOR FUTURE POSITIONS WITH THE VAMPIRE

'Twas the night before #Halloween, when all through the house, was the hum of a sewing machine and a grumble and grouse! 🎃

BONUS Panel below! 👇

Spirit Halloween packet. The image section for the costume is blank. "Introvert Costume "You don't need one. You're staying home alone."

That was simple

I don’t understand why people hire plumbers for small repairs; it’s only taken me $40, 3 trips to Home Depot, the unnecessary replacement of one perfectly fine part, and I’m 85% sure I’ll have this figured out by next week

Picture of a severed doll hand with roots “growing” out of the bottom

the origin story of the cabbage patch kids is terrifying

Me: Move your cup away from the edge of the table so you don't knock it off the table.

*8yo doesn't listen and knocks cup over a few minutes later*

8yo: Whoa, how'd you know that would happen? Are you psychic?

Me: No, I'm a mom.

Have kids so you get to hear wonderful sentences such as, "This seat is warm... because I farted in it!!"

NEW COMIC: Pumpkins 🎃

In honor of 6yo’s love of the song Try Everything, I suggested that we open a fried food food truck called Fry Everything. She got so excited that she immediately went and created a menu and is now telling me I need to go to the city council meeting tomorrow to get a permit.

I'll be your hamburger AND your helper

Fall is great because every time I run my dryer the little corn pieces from the pumpkin patch magically appear

Restaurants that get me hooked on a meal but say it's "for a limited time only" are the reason I have trust issues.

Kid 1: Dad, can I play on...

Kid 2: Dad, what if I play...

(They speak simultaneously)

Me: whoa, one at a time. (To Kid 1) you may go first

Kid 1: Dad, can I...

Kid 2: no fair! Why does he get to go first? I want...

(They speak simultaneously again)

Me: (weeps softly)

me after relaxing all day: wow i am EXHAUSTED

Baking Journal;

Caramel Apple pies, Scotish Shortbread, and Salted Caramel sauce.

Apologies about the pie crust, as it didn't want to cooperate and Mom's a bit embarrassed about it...

But the pies are made with Macintosh apples and Caramel sauce I made from a recipe I often use.

#food🍜🍽 #baking

Pumpkin rolls in their pan but a bit over browned

The same pumpkin rolls drenched in a vanilla glaze.

Did some pumpkin rolls today (cinnamon roll dough with a pumpkin and spice filling). Was a bit slow in getting the tin foil hat on so they got over browned, but that's what generous helpings of glasses is meant to cover...

#Baking

me cramming in halloween activities the last week of october

What idiot called it being a werewolf and not having a beast infection

Look guys, we're all in this together. Let's stop making things more difficult than they need to be.

-me to my eyes, joints, back, and any other middle-aged body part rebelling against me

(Everyone else watching horror movies)

(Me, watching Antiques Roadshow Halloween episode): Everyone else is stupid

Desperate attempt to advertise Mondays:
''I can't believe it's not Friday''

Me: (reaches for snack from the fridge, but sees a spider in the fridge and runs out of the kitchen until dinner)

My Calorie Counter App: (Slips spider a $50)

I'm just a middle-aged mom, standing in front of a room, asking it what the hell I came in here for.