Chanandler Bong

I was wrong!
He called me a bitch and I asked for a divorce again.

I graduated summa cum laude.
Get you a girl that can do both.

Hi, accountant here!
Being really good at math will not make you successful if you are also an asshole!

spoke with the executive director of my local food bank today and got this really incredible line: "if you donate 1 can of green beans, we can give away 1 can of green beans. but if you donate a dollar, we can give away 6 cans of green beans"

My "I didn't pass the bar even though my psychic said I would" T-shirt has people asking a lot of questions already answered by my shirt.

Lame, you should be in bed

You really playing *Whitney* rn?
Diabolical.

(Yes, I'm stalling. I hate going to the grocery store.)

This bar is playing 100% songs that I'm having to physically restrain myself from singing along to. This is the *worst* playlist for 4pm on a Tuesday.
I'm surrounded by single dudes drinking beer who absolutely do not like Miley Cyrus.

If someone else could, or would?
Yes, we can get takeout! It's $30-50 dollars now!
Please, anyone else, apply oil & seasonings to some chicken breasts & boil some pasta, this will not kill you.

A doormat in fall colors with Christmas trees that look like leaves, it is terrible

On the list today? A fall doormat.
Crushed to realize that I completely missed the window (on November 11th) & it's nothing but Xmas now. (I have 2.)
What is this Amazon monstrosity?
Fall, Winter, together, chaos

My secret thing I was lucky enough to find was pickling spices for my brine!

I have considered this, lol

a man in a red jacket and goggles sits in a futuristic vehicle Alt: a man in a red jacket and goggles sits in a futuristic vehicle, saying "The hard way it is"

Told my husband today it hurt my feelings when he goes somewhere I love & doesn't bring me anything. (Related: no flowers, no reservations, won't plan dates, etc.) Happened recently.
He *could* just go out & buy me a little treat. Boom. Fxed.
Probably gonna have a 3-hour conversation instead.

I have to hit the grocery store next. What are Thanksgiving things you THINK you have, but you're secretly out of?

Just got BLATANTLY cut off on my erranding today by one of those dumb-ass Mustang SUVs.
I have not yet encountered one with a competent driver.

Trying to get into the holiday spirit by shopping for Christmas decorations I can send my older kids. One just got her first apartment & the other lives military housing overseas. Both desperately need a few reindeer & garlands.

Inside you there are 2 reindeer

Black Christmas decorations

Pink Christmas decorations

The two genders

Did you guys finally watch that Melissa McCarthy movie & convinced yourselves this is happening everywhere?

Elon thinks empathy is a weakness, but here JCO demonstrates that by understanding your foe and feeling his emptiness you can verbally eviscerate him and consume his shriveled, still quivering heart.

I'm rarely over there, but Facebook Marketplace is better than Craigslist for furniture.

Also Bernie SUCKS

This isn't "internal recriminations." It's voters expressing overwhelming opposition to what the people they elected to represent them are doing, and anyone--either in journalism or politics--who characterizes it as infighting is either not seeing and hearing what's right in front of them or lying.

Maybe he's kind of...wrapping things up, of ya know what I mean?

I couldn't make it, I stopped for an oat milk latte and got jumped by some communists with blue hair on the way.

The best videos will cross platforms. I live by this rule.

a man is making a face and the words watch this are above him Alt: a man is making a face and the words watch this are above him

Lol. 50 year old unhappily married women, once we don't have to worry about custody or what school district we're living in: