Audrey Farnsworth

“do you want anything from McDonald’s”
me: round egg please

I don’t know what any news means anymore but I’m pretty sure whatever it is probably sucks

Might start walking up to people and, as a greeting, saying “excuse me brother what realm is this?”

I love to see the demogorgan’s feet walking close up. That guy do not care what he stomp, no he do not

me, and I am wearing a cloak and standing on a mountain: hello. do i know you from a different lifetime

season 5 of stranger things, also wearing a cloak: hello. definitely

Every store on planet earth is bullying me and calling me a bitch for not wanting to save 40% on trash :(

(As my dog sniffs near you) sorry, she likes to understand everything

And perhaps a secret third group who knows it’s both

boyfriend just pointed at a guy blowing fat vape clouds out of his car window and said “that’s as entertaining as a choo choo train” I’m in shock

😌

This is one of the few days a year I wake up, open the fridge, and deeply fucking consider eating an entire pie

When Santa Claus waves at a crowd from a parade float on thanksgiving morning that’s big Christmas grabbing this day by the legs and swirling it around like a lasso so it knows it’s place

the full size one :(

The Thanksgiving parade just casually marched into my home

Vulture, good head

I mean please this is the best head in town. No better head than this

It’s possible but I doubt it

Vultures are innocent. They are actually kind heroes. I’m considering abandoning my life to focus on vultures full time. Could this be a bad idea? No

Really? No…

Pluto the dog stands upright walking around at Disneyland but then on TV he walks like a regular dog. And I’m sorry to say this, but … that’s two different guys. It’s just not even the same guy

omg no it wouldn’t have because she would be IN her bag ON my shoulder — not on the ground

immediately following the events of wicked for good, the tin man and the cowardly lion start a podcast about all of the other women who are also to blame for their problems

she could and I know that

should I buy 600 of these and ruin my life as a bit

“takin’ care of business” was on the radio as a quail sprinted by and i was like damn that’s your song dude

NEW: Epstein survivors release the most powerful PSA I have ever seen.

Make this go viral so every member of the House of Representatives sees it.

This lady is not your friend.

I’m doing it again ♥️

my google searches this week are unprecedented. never been so unhinged. for example “phantom of the opera White House.” excuse me what

ever since I was born i have thought about everything constantly. and, do you know what, it’s still the main thing I do. I am always thinking about everything

When a clock ticks? You’re hearing math, my friend. And possibly space. I don’t know anything! Have a good day