Ameobi’s Hokey Cokey

Reading this feels like being yelled at by a calculator having a stroke.

BBC radio 2 has been playing Christmas songs all morning. I can’t decide if I’m excited or want to shoot myself in the face…

Aye, I get strong bank holiday Monday, Whitley Bay vibes from BDB.

He’d likely be more successful with the fairer sex on the Bigg Market but can’t hold a torch to BDB’s aerial defensive prowess.

Appreciate Merino honouring Lewis Miley’s performance yesterday with his goal celebration. #nufc

He scuffed that. Fluke.

a black and white drawing of a letter c with a mouth open and teeth . ALT: a black and white drawing of a letter c with a mouth open and teeth .

I’m not an accountant but even I know that was a very expensive goal. #nufc

It was probably a good idea, a few hundred years ago. It’ll be trial by AI before long…

I take absolutely loads of pleasure in watching him fail after treating us like shite. Lovely stuff.

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Next time I hear that Cantona song will be too fucking soon.

You had one fucking job, #cpfc.

Smooth.

For the next hour or so I’m a very enthusiastic follower of Crystal Palace.

I’ve got a lot of time for Peter Kay. Funny chap.

She’s more of a massive cunt. That’s offensive to idiots.

Yes. Hence ‘net’.

It’s not like we have much choice. A 2 party democracy isn’t really fit for purpose.

It’s time for a revolution! I really can’t be arsed though…

RARE politics quote:

I voted for the first time in my life, aged 41. I’ve always leaned left and was pig sick of the Tory shit-show.

They’ve robbed my grandparents, copied reform policies, failed to tax wealth and taken a huge shite with their pants on. Faecal Tornado.

Green next time. Fact.

Nah mate. I’m banned from Liverpool!

We currently pity you. We only hate Sunderland.

a teddy bear sits on top of a box that says you 're pathetic ALT: a teddy bear sits on top of a box that says you 're pathetic

I’m not judging us until January. The next month will make or break our season.

If I were to judge us now it would be an expletive-ridden tirade with special mention of a Swedish twat forcing us to make wholesale changes to our style of play. It’s lovely seeing him fail, it could be worse.

#nufc

Pope is world class…

Until he leaves his 6-yard box or has to use his feet. Then he’s proper Sunday League.

This isn’t news. #nufc

I predict Big Joe will be wearing Greenwood’s nutsack as a hat before full time. #nufc

It’s the anniversary of Alan Shearer hitting the ball with great vengeance and furious anger at Ewood in 1994.

Unstoppable.

a man is holding a piece of bread over a woman 's ear and asking what are you . ALT: a man is holding a piece of bread over a woman 's ear and asking what are you .

Having endured non-EU customs (again) I’d like to invite anyone who voted Brexit to fuck right fucking off, preferably near a cliff. Cunts.

Great chat.

Greggs was obviously closed!

Canny weekend in France. Managed to watch the match and saw some interesting ‘art’.

Catching it out the corner of my eye, I genuinely jumped a little in shock…

I’m in France. They don’t do cricket. Neither do I after seeing the score!

Reet lads and lasses, I’m staying in Compiègne, north of Paris and need a decent bar playing the match tomorrow. I realise this is a long shot…

#nufc