Glycerine ✨

Why do you keep existing
if not to cause pain?

אָמַר: אֵין הַדָּבָר תָּלוּי אֶלָּא בִּי.

הִנִּיחַ רֹאשׁוֹ בֵּין בִּרְכָּיו וְגָעָה בִּבְכִיָּה עַד שֶׁיָּצְתָה נִשְׁמָתוֹ.

יָצְאָה בַּת קוֹל וְאָמְרָה: רַ' אֱלִיעֶזֶר בֶּן דֻּרְדְּיָא מְזֻמָּן לְחַיֵּי עוֹלָם הַבָּא;

Drip
Drip
Drip
The carpet is getting wet
Every teardrop leaves a lane down my cheeks
As a reminder
As a scar
As another sign of my feelings wins the battle against me.

I hurt the way I want to hurt.

All that safe feeling, the sense that I matter, important to someone, to you,
who understood me, saw me, found something in me…
I struggle to even remember what that felt like.

Everything changed.
Now I’m not even worth a single written word.
This is what I am to you.
Invisible again. Meaningless.

Don't forget me as the colours fade

Don't let the days go by.

Only God is perfect. So they say. I'm not even sure about that. How can you be perfect if you create so much pain? Unless misery is a perfect thing as a concept, as a way of living?

Nevermind. It's just a matter of time

Undirect communication:

BPD: abandoned issues strikes again
ADHD: let's send them a message right now!
AUTISM: why can't they say stuff straight forward?

Hi I'm high.
My town friends are ducking hilarious so I had to record the whole ducking meeting belive me its PRICELESS.

Your concept as a digital character of an old Chinese sage isn’t bad.
On the other hand, that’s not the truth.
We’re here, in this world, and here you’re wise, not old, and definitely not Chinese.
More like… a gefilte fish carrot made randomly in Australia.

It's not even frustration anymore, it's helplessness. It's like being stuck in hell.

If you're angry and you know it
H!t your wife! *clap clap*

*based on a true story

מעלב
כן זה מקום

I'm a fucking giant hippopotamus. I'm afraid of myself. Fucking disappointed.

אמאשך היא אחותך זה מסביר הרבעעע

Weather forecast while we supposed to go camping: 43° at noon.
The good scenario: basal cell cacinoma
The bad case: DEATH

צפון: לונדון
מזרח: תאילנד
דרום: אילת? אולי לאוס וקוסאמוי?
מערב: האג, הולנד

בתיאבון נו

Today at the team meeting I received a round of applause because I did a good job. I've produced a summer party for special needs families, got a huge grant for that, and in between took care of all my patients.

A new hope?

#1 zero.

You once said I’m a good person. And that it’s rare.
Where did that go?

What a wicked game.
The world was on fire, and no one could save me but you
It's strange what desire will make foolish people do
I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you
And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you
No, I don't wanna fall in love
With you.

Well Chris, at least you are dead, so you can't love me, or hate me, or play with the fucking leftovers of my feelings. You're a legend, forever.

Happy traumsday!
How should I celebrate the fact that the shooter is still free? 16 fucking years and my country haven't managed to put their hands on him. The implications are dreadful.

Leprechauns are the worst. There are no reasonable excuses to behave like an asshole to people you care about. Or at least used to.

On Friday I'll "celebrate" exactly 16 years before the shooting attack I was in, and exactly 16 years after.
It literally divided my life into 2 equal parts.

16 years and the shooter hasn't been found. 16 fucking years of being afraid that he's still looking for me to get the job done.

Mazel tov

But this balance is so delicate and fragile, and getting silent-treatment-style scenes from you is the last thing I need right now.

Don’t rock the pendulum, because swinging from one extreme to the other will collapse everything stable and managed in my life.

Starting a new and serious job while going through a tough divorce, with two children on the spectrum at home — it’s hard. Living with BPD makes it even harder. Just two days before that cursed murder date — it’s a miracle I’m holding everything together.