see schrader

/drinks 12oz of water

(about an hour later)

My body: “Hey. We need to pee.”

/drinks 12oz of iced coffee

(about 15 minutes later)

My body: “DUDE. IF WE DON’T PEE RIGHT FUCKING NOW, I’M GOING TO EMBARRASS US AND ALSO DON’T GET COMFORTABLE BECAUSE WE’RE GONNA NEED TO PEE AGAIN REAL SOON.”

remember to set your clocks tonight. time begins at 2 am

Willem Dafoe lounging in purple coat Text: The knife I used to put jelly on my toast hanging out over the edge of the sink in case I want to make another one

touching grass is not enough i need to Confront Grass

A little low on gin over here.

"SHIT"
"FUCK"
"NO"
"FUCK"
"SHIT"
"FUCK"

Thought about this more overnight. Even their branded tzatziki packets are A) smaller than they used to be; and B) unnecessarily branded.

These small but noticeable changes start to add up, and frankly smell like PE. 🤔

A young hoops fan mirroring Kevin Durant's free throw behind the baseline in tonight's game vs Portland.

What the game is all about.

Settled then. A dog is a sandwich.

The Middle Child has always claimed that our dog doesn’t love her as much as she loves her sisters, but she definitely got the back from a tour of duty treatment tonight when she came home from college. ❤️

Good Evening Motherfuckers it’s Friday

Yeah man, I support Civic Transparency

I swear they’ve tweaked their rice recipe too.

Cat peeping remnant of Moby Dick takeout.

Heard you got Moby Dick.

solidarity with all the children out there throwing tantrums. stay strong. you WILL get what you want

A few weeks into my first time as a manager of employees, I sent one of them home early one day because I found out they had never seen Stripes. How tf am I supposed to work with that level of naivety and, frankly, disrespect?

The Rob Base diagram from years ago.

Reminds me of this classic logic diagram:

My daughter just told my wife and I that her college dorm was built before we were born and then added: “that’s crazy”.

Ohtani makes me feel 11 years old again watching this dumb sport. That’s the highest compliment I could ever give a baseball player. 🤯

MS LATER confirms there’s beer in the cooler.

A vegetable looking like a person walking

YOU CAN TELL BY THE WAY I WALK
I'M A WOMAN'S MAN; NO TIME TO TALK

Sure, we’re all gonna miss making jokes about Noem’s obvious cosplay and how so many of her ICE goons look like MEAL Team 6 castoffs, but have you considered that we now get to call them Marky Markwayne and the Chunky Bunch?

Guys, guys, guys…I said MiraLAX, not a miracle.

A brown penguin chick of some kind. It looks very much like a man in a suit. It is bedraggled and miserable

Made it to Friday but at what cost

Friday sure as hell took its sweet time to get here. Beers later though.

These hitters all just sit on the fastball. They don’t practice Satoria.

You sure it’s safe? A certain someone suddenly has some free time to kill.

Wide open lane, where is the D?

Markwayne in the membrane