Kegan

A four frame comic about Captain Torture. The first frame shows the sign "BREAKING NEWS" and the drawing of a man, with the words "CAPTAIN TORTURES PASSES AWAY" near him. The second frame shows a journalist holding a mic, as she says "A controversial and divisive figure, Captain torture will be remembered for his key role in history." The News title is "Mourning day for Captain-". The third frame shows three posts on social media. The first one is by a man called Paul James @Paulitician. He writes: "I didn't always agree with Captain Torture but he sure was a man who believed in something." The second post by James Paul @Avegetable reads: "I pay my respects to Captain Torture and his family. His heart was in the right place- with our country." The third post is by SonicVomit @SonicBleh , and reads "HE TORTURED PEOPLE". The fourth frame shows an interview on TV. An angry man on the right is saying: "Let me tell you something, Jen. I think it's SICK to celebrate Captain Torture's death. These people should be LOCKED UP, and also tortured-". The news below says: "Every president on earth pays homage-".

Captain Torture

For the 6th year in a row, a player named Will Smith has won the World Series

2020 - Will Smith (C), Dodgers

2021 - Will Smith (RP), Braves

2022 - Will Smith (RP), Astros

2023 - Will Smith (RP), Rangers

2024 - Will Smith (C), Dodgers

2025 - Will Smith (C), Dodgers

i think if you ride public transit enough you learn that most weird behavior is not dangerous, and conversely i think driving a car teaches you that everyone is trying to kill you at all times

Me When I Am Coming To Fucking Get You

A screenshot from Fox News' Jesse Watters Primetime There is video playing of a black cat and a brownish orange stripey cat kinda cuddling up The chyron reads "Lesbian cats take over Seattle"

Imagine learning english and finding out butt dialing and booty calls are two different things

The Sears Tower looking insanely creepy during a blackout, including the impression of a scary face topped by a crown of spikes. It looks like a giant humanoid evil robot or a demonic Minecraft creature.

"It's ok, honey. The Sears Tower experiencing a blackout won't hurt you!"

The Sears Tower experiencing a blackout:

The WSJ:

Apparently there was a joke event in Peru where all the jockeys raced each other instead of their horses

Sonic party drinks have been prepared

"why does restaurant food taste better than food cooked at home"

The cook does not care if you live or die and uses salt and butter accordingly

If your current cardio routine feels too high impact, you can always try Cycling or Rucking (walking with a weighted pack)! Best of luck on your journey

no matter your politics it’s disrespectful to joke about someone’s health. don’t say kristi noem died from getting her ass stuck in a wooden barrel and floated off a waterfall and her head hit every tree branch on the way down and an eagle flew by and grabbed her hat. don’t say stuff like that

groimes you haeve to come get me at Geetmo

sorry, i’ve got to cancel our plans this evening. i’m encumbered again. no i will not drop any of my items

lol, lmao

ben shapiro sounds like something a wizard says when he wants somewhere to sit down at the park

a medieval style digital drawing of an androgynous brown-skinned knight on horseback on a hill, stabbing a long gold spear into a blue dragon on the ground. the knight has a gold halo behind their head and wears a suit of silver armor with a nonbinary flag striped tunic and a trans flag as a cape. their horse is white, with blue tack with trans pride trim. there is black gothic text at the top and bottom of the image reading “A world without trans people has never existed and never will.” there’s an ornate pale blue border around the image, filled with pink and blue scrollwork, gold hearts filled with colorful flowers, a smiley bat, two smiley moles, and two smiling frogs holding up trans flags.

a world without trans people has never existed and never will

programmers are always posting like "worked on tracking down an issue with a Flurble deployment for twelve hours. the problem wasn't in Flurble at all - it was in the Gumbies install. It turns out if you install Gumbies 3.0 over Gumbies 2.7 and don't do a cache flush on all the client spiders they'll get stuck in the crystal maze." then you look up Gumbies and the site is one of those scroll scroll scroll types with one sentence per page, like "GUMBIES is a lean, expressive sharding sandcube for testing and deploying large scale Woodchips playgrounds. GUMBIES automates and streamlines away watersliding phases, meaning your team can get right to the chipping. See why Microsoft, OpenAl and Bloingo have embraced GUMBIES in their Woodchips workflows." and you get to the bottom and you're like I want this I guess but I still don't know what

This is my entire life

i’m losing my shit at this

pretty funny that trump built his political career almost solely off a superhuman bullying sense, the ability to sniff out the barest whiff of social weakness and pounce on it with abandon, and now he's being walked around on a leash by the most quintessential Loser Nerd in history

Have you heard of Panel Attack? Probably the easiest way to play online with friends or whoever panelattack.com

I swear I reach for this game every time I get bored on a plane. It's just nice to have such easy access to flow state when I'm stressed

you hear Crouching Tiger and you're thinking, well that's gotta be the most fearsome and best camouflaged creature in this title,

I understand there’s been a surge in Russian bot activity on Bluesky. A telltale sign of Russian bots is that they ignore the punchline of joke posts and write an earnest response to the joke setup. Please block anyone you see doing this on sight

I lost it at the onion claw machine which sounds like you would find it at a rich person’s house where the wife only gives kids carob instead of chocolate