Sorry I can’t come to your wedding. That’s the weekend I’ve scheduled to blow pet safe bubbles to my kitten.

Robert Reich on possible reversal of same sex marriage. "Clarence Thomas made the stunning claim that he and the other justices have no obligation to follow past precedents of the Court, which he dismissed as “something somebody dreamt up and others went along with.” Interracial marriage next?

psyops but it’s just me keeping my eyes closed and continuing to snore while going to the bathroom so my dog doesn’t think it’s time to get up yet

Imagine being cast as a tree in the play where Abraham Lincoln got shot

Yup

🎯

Introducing Ketamucil™ - Metamucil with Ketamine

when do we start eating the billionaires
I’ve got a new hot sauce I wanna try

If bluesky doesn't reverse these mod decisions, I'm cancelling Disney+

One day I’ll be living under a bridge and you’ll have to answer my riddles 3, to cross…

replying NOR SHOULD YOU
to everything everbody says

for every smart cookie there is an equal and opposite dumb cookie

They have Halloween lint rollers. You know how the kids love lint rollers.

them: i love your halloween horror makeup!
me: my what?

...and in other news...nope, nope, no *fingers in ears* lalalalala

this fresh hell tastes store bought

Tx national guard troops arriving in Chicago, mostly too overweight to fit into their uniform

ALRIGHT LISTEN UP TROOPS, OUR FIRST OBJECTIVE HERE IN CHICAGO IS TO SECURE SOME DEEP DISH PIZZA

You say menacing aura like it's a bad thing

Don't even talk to me until i've had my plenary authority

how am i supposed to be certain i havent already been killed smart guy

This actually kinda makes me feel better thx

i did a good job

😬 ❤️

I had to fly through Chicago O'Hare today, so thanks. 🫡

It happens, sometimes 😁

🙌

Hey i appreciate that

If you are reading this then congratulations you've successfully avoided getting killed so far today good job

all dolled up: i put on makeup

all Dalí’ed up: i put on makeup without my contacts in

There’s just not enough attention being paid to how unqualified, psychologically unfit, and dangerous so many of these new ICE hires potentially are.

If we had a Congress, there’d be investigations & oversight into this.