Gareth Edwards

Reform fury as someone else wins by Our By-election Editor Tim Shipsink The losing candidate in the Gorton and Denton by-election, Matt Goodwhinge, has demanded an immediate re-run of the election on the grounds that he lost comprehensively to someone else. "It's totally unfair and rigged," said Goodwhinge. "I shouldn't be required to sit there and suck it up, just because I lost." Mr Goodwhine continued, *I can't believe that all those voters I demonised failed to back me. Especially after I was endorsed by Tommy Robinson and ten million Russian bots on X. "We have clear evidence of family voting, where people voted in order for me to stop deporting their families." Mr Badloser concluded. "I'm the victim of colour prejudice. They didn't vote for me simply because I'm not green." Reform leader Mr Farage, speaking from a sun lounger on a rock near the Chagos Islands said, "It's a tragedy that the people of Manchester won't see Matt in Westminster, but my constituents don't see me in Clacton either." PLUMBER DEFEATS MATT GOODWIN Photo of Hannah Spencer with speech bubble saying… I've stopped the cock

Beautiful from Private Eye on the massive toddler-tantrum that Matt Goodwin and Reform are having, because they got whooped in Gorton and Denton.

‘Pact’ - #RSThomas
(Uncollected Poems, @BloodaxeBooks)
🕊️

It’s just so wrong-headed. I don’t know what’s worse, that they say these things cynically because they believe it will win them votes, or that they might actually believe them…

Exactly. Turns out the party I’ve always voted for thinks it would have been better for all concerned if they’d deported my mother.

Allister Heath Starmer is using those horrid little dogs that fit in a handbag to wage a vicious class war on Middle England

Allister Heath How my daughter's friend with a nose-piercing became the ultimate tool for the Left to destroy our liberties ALLISTER HEATH The Telegraph

Allister Heath If we surrender to a tiny mouse in a bow

This is tremendous. Brighten your evening with the Allister Heath headline generator. stirring-fox-7e1fab.netlify.app

I don’t really understand. Did he burn his mouth on a felafel at Henley?

It was interesting, especially on writing competitions. I agree that for me too cringing isn’t usually fun or funny (but think Amandaland is great). I don’t think sitcoms need characters to learn and grow and I disagree with some of how you classify things but yes, it was the subheading that grated!

Fair enough. I bridled slightly at your phrase “it can be more than that” in your article. Your point about writing competitions is really interesting and certainly feels true. I guess it’s very hard for a panel of judges to spot a unique vision…

I loved Small Prophets, but there’s also something wonderful about a good comedy that is full of gags. Jokes can be silly, and they can also be uplifting, profound, subversive and transformative.

That headline generator is excellent. I had “Britain cannot allow itself to be held hostage by a very angry badger.”

In honour of the Sunday Telegraph's editor and offical maddest columnist, we have created the Allister Heath headline generator...
stirring-fox-7e1fab.netlify.app

I was working in an open plan office at the time. There’s nothing like shouting “Bereavement!” over and over into the phone to convince your colleagues you might need some time off.

Oh dear. I remember trying to talk to HMRC about my father’s death. The switchboard robot wanted me to say in one word why I was calling. I said “Bereavement”. It answered “It sounds like you are asking for a refund. Is that right?”…

‘‘Twas a beauty…

Does anyone have an old BBC Spot FX door to lend??

I seem to remember there was a lightweight one for OBs. But it didn’t quite have that satisfying “thunk” as the Paris one. That was the best.

‘The Bright Field’ - #RSThomas
(Laboratories of the Spirit, Macmillan)

Road sign for 'Skirmish Paintball'

How delightfully quaint some of these old Devon village names are, their etymologies lost in the mists of time.

Never a big Narnia guy but this 6 seconds typifies everything I love about British television.

“Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.” (St Exupéry)
I’d say you’ve nailed it!

Horrifying Cows | Listen & Often Get more from Listen & Often on Patreon

I co-hosted a Listen & Often podcast episode with Robbie Hudson. It's a comedy show so naturally we talk about melancholy, Tasmanian Gothic and cows. Also included is a beautiful and beautifully-structured pod-essay on horror films from Anna Savory. Try it! Or don't! www.patreon.com/posts/horrif...

Sometimes I think his “do I wake or sleep?” is Keats asking us if he has achieved immortality through his work.

I’m so sorry to hear this Moose. My heart goes out to you.

But I can’t fathom who is being forgiven. And I expect that’s on purpose too.
What a poet.

The Kaleidoscope To climb these stairs again, bearing a tray, Might be to find you pillowed with your books, Your inventories listing gowns and frocks As if preparing for a holiday. Or, turning from the landing, I might find My presence watched through your kaleidoscope, A symmetry of husbands, each redesigned In lovely forms of foresight, prayer and hope. I climb these stairs a dozen times a day And, by that open door, wait, looking in At where you died. My hands become a tray Offering me, my flesh, my soul, my skin. Grief wrongs us so. I stand, and wait, and cry For the absurd forgiveness, not knowing why.

"Grief wrongs us so". Poem for a Sunday, by Douglas Dunn.

“They also serve who only stand and wait.” And of course Dunn is carrying a tray, containing his whole self, so he is literally serving…

Do you think the “stand and wait” is a Milton reference? The last three words of “On his blindness”, Milton’s poem about accepting whatever awfulness is thrown at you. But then Dunn carries on, crying, into a last line with a broken up rhythm. And a sense I can’t quite catch. Amazing.