allie lynn ♥

im definitely somewhere between a vintage handheld and a bag of chips

Do people ever truly move on? I don't think we do.

did you guys know that Night Elves, or Kaldorei, are not actually related to Blood Elves (Sindorei)? they're actually mutated Trolls.

this explains why they always get on my nerves.

these freakout incidents are and that they are ultimately why all of your interpersonal relationships are so tumultuous. you cannot always be, nor are you always, the victim, and a lot of the things i know about your history involve you victimising and using others. i worry about you and everyone.

it was actually wild, and considering i know the issue at hand is mental illness i dont feel like its helpful or productive at all if i name names, because that will only bring grief and make it worse.

but if you are reading this, you need to seriously check your own behavior and realise how bad+

talking about here, has consistently done this same behavior to everyone around them, forcing all of their friends and partners to walk on eggshells around them and baby them, for years nonstop.

i did not do anything to exacerbate the issue this time, even though i definitely have in the past, but+

i think this is especially crazy because i have been like this during a nasty spiral but at least i can recognise it's self destruction on my end and when it's pointed out take a moment to look at it and go "okay, thing's aren't bad enough to warrant this, i can chill tf out"

the person i was+

also you haven't known me for years, you've had the opportunity to know me for a month -- an opportunity you didn't take.

you had the same opportunity for the same amount of time before doing the same things, on 2 other occasions with a year between each of the 3 times this has happened.

also not to be ableist but implying i'm a narcissist who believes she never does anything wrong over this instance where i *literally* have done nothing wrong is insane.

and expressed confusion. you told me to calm down and acted like i was being irrational. that is wild behavior and a consistent pattern from you. you can't bully me and make me feel bad over it, i literally did nothing wrong there. from any perspective. you know that.

goodbye, have a nice life.

like i'm sorry that you feel that way over your own actions but i have genuinely done nothing to make a normal person in a healthy mental state afraid of me, what i might say, what i might do, how i might react yada yada.

you tried to inject yourself into something, i said it made me uncomfortable+

if you are "scared" of someone because of you constantly hashing up drama with them and trying to start fights, and how you constantly call them crazy and tell them to calm down over not even being upset or angry in any way but simply confused...

you need to realize you're the problem.

settings so that sprint was a held down button instead of a toggle.

To be fair, it's a hold by default. That was entirely on me for switching it in the first place.

I beat the "The Call" questline in SCX last night.

That was actually so difficult on 130-170ms. It wasn't even the final boss, it was the boss halfway through the final dungeon. He felt so unpredictable and inconsistent in behavior at that ping and I wasn't able to do it until I switched my game+

that's not even me controlling anyone. that's literally just "hey my life isn't a charcuterie board you don't get to sample everything like that please don't try it makes me very uncomfortable and feels like my friends or myself are being used."

i do not think it is much to ask for your ex to not date/flirt with your friends and for your friends to not date/flirt with your ex.

Though I'll have to concede, I've apparently gotten pretty decent at popping them when I catch them camping the areas where I know my faction farms. It's getting pretty satisfying to send all those bags back to who they belong to.

It's kind of wild to play on the European server on SCX as someone who still lives in NA, because my ping (especially with Cox) is sometimes really inconsistent and 120ms at lowest, and during the day for me is when everyone has just come home from work and is busy ruining people's lives.

so this is your psa to send people's mat bags back in stalcraft instead of just stealing them and selling them to your fence for pennies. send them back or leave them there, and maybe stop camping around that area

when progress in an online game feels impossible, especially because of other players making it that way on purpose when they're ahead, people stop playing the game.

that is literally one of the reasons we quit league. it isn't hard math to do at all.

My partner and I are watching Arcane! Her first time, my fourth. She's enjoying it a lot, and says it's emotionally devastating her. In a good way. We have a watchlist we try to go through every Saturday, so I will not be around on Saturdays once I return to The Grind™. Love you!

Oh, maybe on Sundays we'll try to paint in SuchArt or something. I've kind of been wanting to get back into that. Call it Sideshow Sunday or something, do something random on the side one day every week to start the week off and get a break from whatever we're focused on.

...Undertale, and then I've decided we'll start Kingdom Come: Deliverance (the first one) instead of the other ideas I had. I haven't beaten that one, and it's similar in some ways to another game I plan on returning to that my best friend suggested.
Thanks for being patient. I know I'm bad.

...on in War Thunder right now that I'm focused on finishing, though I might pop on to stream that!
I have jury duty for the first time on the 25th, so I definitely won't be able to stream for probably most of the day then.
Once the War Thunder event is done, I'm hoping to finish The Division and...

Anyway...
Hi, everyone. I've been gone for a minute struggling with my mental health again, but I'm almost ready to start back up streaming somewhat consistently again (my partner kind of gave me a push the other day /pos).

As for what I'm up to at the moment, there's a special vehicle event going+

a close friend and i got into it for a second (not like in an angry fighty way but just a disagreement way) because I don't think they understand my perspective on being seen as a third gender, as a trans woman.

i am a nonbinary trans woman to a degree, but i want to be seen as what i am; a woman

i posted those three things because they are genuine feelings, and i know she will see them, because she is like me. and if she finds my social media anywhere, she will look at it if only just to see if im alive.

dear ex:
i hope you're well and im happy you're happy without me. ill be here if you ever want to reconnect, if things lead to us being friends again. i don't think anything else can or will ever come of it, but i am here if you want to talk and reconcile mutually.

dear ex:
i miss your family. your smile. how things were when we were gaming or watching things together.

but as selfish as it sounds, i think that's just because i miss feeling like i had that and getting that attention.

dear ex:
the song you first sent me will forever be our song in my head, and i still cry listening to it.