The Office

“I miss the old Dunder Mifflin. Too much change is not a good thing. Ask the climate.”

– Michael

“I miss the old Dunder Mifflin. Too much change is not a good thing. Ask the climate.”

– Michael

Erin: “Aw, a bird and a dog.”

Andy: “Yeah, well, it’s Snoopy and Woodstock.”

Erin: “You named them?”

Andy: “Uh, Charles Schulz did.”

“Had a very good thing going with David Wallace. He was a good guy. He was somebody I could trust.

Here he is. You can really see that he is okay taking a picture with me. Even though I was there for disciplinary reasons.”

– Michael

“We really don’t do a lot of weddings. We actually don’t play in public very often. We’re all really hoping that Pam’s wedding works out. This could be a turning point for the band.”

– Kevin

Pam: “No, wait, come on. I—I didn’t miss a day. I came in early. I stayed late. And I doubled my sales last month.”

Andy: “Oh, really? From what, two to four?”

Pam (talking head): “Yep.”

“I am Beyoncé always.”

– Michael

Andy: “Oh, my gosh. You have the Dallas board game?”

Kevin: “Yeah. When I was a kid, I was on Dallas.”

Andy: “Really?”

Kevin: “Yeah. We missed our connecting flight, and we spent the entire day on Dallas. Then we spent a week on Hawaii. I was on heaven.”

“Town cars suck. A town car is something that a company sends when they’re in trouble. A limousine is something that a company sends when they have cause for celebration. And in this case, I think we are celebrating me.”

– Michael

“The boat was actually plan C, the church was plan B, and plan A was marrying her a long, long time ago. Pretty much the day I met her.”

– Jim

Pam: “W.B. Jones is renovating their offices, and their construction crews are taking up some of the parking spaces we used to get.”

Jim: “So we had to park at a satellite parking lot over there.”

…

Kevin: “I will quit. As god is my witness, I will quit if this is not fixed.”

“I’m not a millionaire. I thought I would be by the time I was 30, but I wasn’t even close. And then I thought maybe by the time I was 40. But by 40, I had less money than when I was 30. Maybe by my 50s, I don’t know.”

– Michael

“Yeah, I’m not a temp anymore. I got Jim’s, uh, old job.

Which means, at my ten-year high school reunion, it will not say, ‘Ryan Howard is a temp.’ It will say, ‘Ryan Howard is a junior sales associate at a mid-range paper supply firm.’

That’ll show ‘em.”

– Ryan

“No more meetings! No more meetings! No more meetings! No more meetings!”

– Pam

“I saw Wedding Crashers accidentally. I bought a ticket for Grizzly Man and went into the wrong theater. After an hour, I figured I was in the wrong theater. But I kept waiting. Because that’s the thing about bear attacks—they come when you least expect it.”

– Dwight

Toby: “Didn’t you lose a lot of money on that other investment—the one from the email?”

Michael: “You know what, Toby, when the son of the deposed king of Nigeria emails you directly asking for help, you help. His father ran the freaking country, okay?”

“My roommate wants to meet everybody.

Because I’m pretty sure he thinks I’m making Dwight up. He is very real.”

– Jim

“I am at a crucial point where I have sunk four hours into that copier. And I am not gonna let it beat me like that wireless router did.”

– Pam

“You give me a gift—Bam! Thank you note.

You invite me somewhere—Pow! RSVP.

You do me a favor—Wham! Favor returned.

Do not test my politeness.”

– Andy

“I’m not usually the butt of the joke. I’m usually the face of the joke.”

– Michael

Ty: “They’re actually putting you out of business.”

Michael: “Okay, okay. Hold on, hold on. Ty, I would like you to crunch those numbers again.”

Ty: “It’s a program. There’s no such thing—“

Michael: “Just crunch ‘em. Just crunch ‘em please.”

Ty: “Crunch.”

Pam: “Did it help?”

Jim: “So Dwight heard you were having a really rough day, so he generously offered to wash our car.”

Pam: “Aww, he did that for me?”

Jim: “Yes, he did.”

Michael: “Hi. I am Michael Scott. I am the captain of this party.”

Captain Jack: “I’m Captain Jack. I’m captain of the ship.”

Michael: “Ahh!”

Captain Jack: “I’m also captain of anyone who sets foot on the ship.”

“This day is bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S. This day is bananas. B-A-N-A …”

– Kelly

“I’ve been studying Michael for years, and I’ve condensed what I’ve learned into this chart—how Michael spends his time.

As you can see, we have procrastinating and distracting others, and this tiny sliver here is critical thinking. I made it bigger, so that you could see it.”

– Jim

Michael: “You wanna hear a lie?”

Toby: “What?”

Michael: “I think you’re great. You’re my best friend.”

Pam: “Corporate needs you to find the differences between this picture and this picture.

Intel has told us there are at least seven.”

Creed: “Okay. I already see one. Gimme. Okay.”

Pam (talking head): “They’re the same picture.”

Operator: “Well, Mr. Halpert, you’re obviously not in San Juan, Puerto Rico.”

Kevin: “Wait a minute. Yes, I am.”

Operator: “I’m going to go ahead and put a hold on your card.”

Kevin: “No, that … I—I think that we should let the criminal use the card a little longer.”

Operator: “Very funny, sir.”

“Pam and Jim are on their honeymoon, so there’s not the usual balance between sane and others. Toby has mentally checked out since June.

It’s a very dangerous time. The coalition for reason is extremely weak.”

– Oscar