BG

Mom's been gone 15 years today. There's so much I wish I could catch up with her on. There's an empty space that can never be filled, only contended with.

Note to self: maybe don't call patient's family while "Raining Blood" is blaring in the background.

Remember, it's only technically Orwellian if it's from the Orwell region of England, otherwise it's just sparkling authoritarianism

Y'all, shadow work is hard. Really, really worth it. But hard.

Casually realizing mid-gulp that I'm washing my meds down with grapefruit soda. Whooooops. 😬

It was a weird fucking year. Here's to 2026 and hopefully at least a little less fuckery.

It's the holidays, my mental health is hanging on by a fucking thread, and I'm trying to give myself grace but I just personally don't feel like I deserve that grace.

From the makers of I can’t believe it’s not butter comes I don’t think these are medical professionals and I’m pretty sure this isn’t real life

I've never been to the top of the Rave/Eagles Club before today.

Update: that was definitely the least traumatic tooth extraction I've ever had, so at least there's that.

There've only been two other times in my life I've had to have a tooth pulled, and both of them were really fucking traumatic. I sincerely hope that later this morning isn't more of the same—I don't have the mental fortitude for it right now.

EXEC 1: what are we calling our new drink?

EXEC 2: may I present “Mountain Dew”

EXEC 1: omg I love it, it it natural and crisp and refreshing like the name?

EXEC 2: it will crash your central nervous system and make you glow in the dark

EXEC 1: okay great

I'm being so fucking for real when I say that having regularly scheduled arts and crafts time is a crucial part of what keeps me sane. 🎨

Listen, there are days where you just gotta make a little tofu teriyaki at 5am as a treat. 🤷

Listen, I love being able to type shit out super fast and I love being able to draw digitally, but — nothing is ever going to beat the feeling of putting pen to paper for me. It's just very tactile and grounding.

Not that anyone asked, but between this and the already present sociopolitical horrors, I am really really really not doing okay. C'est la vie, I guess.

Watching your dreams crumble, this time because of a despot dismantling what little infrastructure your country had to begin with, sure is an interesting feeling. The bills he's passing currently are going to ensure that the only people able to pursue doctorates are the rich.

You know what does bring me joy though? Music. Thank the fucking cosmos for music.

What's my 5 year plan? I mean, at the rate we're going I'm not actually convinced we'll all still be here in 5 years so I think as of now my plan is to just hang on and try to find the small sparks of joy where I can. Saving things for later only works when you have a later to save them for.

I've spent so much time 'playing the long game' trying to do things the proper way in the hopes that 'eventually' it all gets better. Thing is, playing the long game works in a stable society- theoretically. But it doesn't really work in whatever the fuck this is.

I'm about one "unprecedented" event away from a grippy sock vacation.

The fact that "my mom survives, but then I wake up and grieve all over again" is a regularly occurring category of dream/nightmare I have really sucks. Like even in the dream on some level I know and it's heartwrenching the whole time, but that half asleep realization really hits hard.

@abelke.bsky.social @technoghosty.bsky.social

Some days my line of work is just, really heavy. I know that it comes with the territory, and I'm in this field because I want to help people, but man. Some days just blow.

I just wanna know what the emo nite dj has against mcr 😭😭😭

Iiiiit's storm season in the midwest and I'm living my best life. 🥰⛈️

It's been awhile since I felt exactly this fucking dismissed and defeated, but here we fucking are.

My own personal hell: this waiting room for the next hour with no less than 3 people who forgot earbuds and are listening to music/videos/calls at full volume.

When servers go down for maintenance right as I'm about to log in I kind of feel like a kid impatiently waiting for the safety break to be over so I can jump back in the water.

But also, this: