LarzCRM

Most Americans this weekend will be setting their clocks and watches back one hour. I'm going to try a turn mine back to when this country had a functioning democracy, competent leadership, and a caring soul.

Look it up! A Reese's Peanut Butter Pumpkin package contains 4 grams of protein. So you aren't stealing from your kids' candy collection -- you're eating healthy!

Thanks to Trump's tariffs and climate change, the cost of chocolate has skyrocketed. Sorry kiddies. This Halloween, I'm forced to hand out this instead!

I might need to reconsider my Halloween throw rug.

"If it's good enough for King Cankles, it's good enough for me, too!"

Halloween is only a week away. Make sure your letter to the Great Pumpkin is written!

It's getting chilly!

Symbolic on so many levels...

From the ACLU:

Now you can say "F#CK ICE" with every drink!

No Nobel for Trumpy! I'm assuming that the Crybaby-In-Chief will be on Truth Social declaring war on Norway before this weekend is over.

My air conditioner thought it would be on vacation by now. It's not happy.

Maga cultists are *not* taking the news well that the Super Bowl halftime show will be in Spanish. ¡Tan triste!

How to scare an uneducated MAGA on Halloween.

Happy Fall, Y'all???

I'm expecting an executive order tomorrow telling ICE agents to remove all escalators and fly them to El Salvador.

Welllllll... I didn't get raptured away today, so I guess I'm stuck down here with the rest of you sinners.

Today is supposed to be the rapture. I'm totally fine with that as long as it has Debbie Harry and Fab 5 Freddy providing the music.

I guess I can un-cancel my Hulu subscription now.

It's Autumnal Equinox Eve

I stand with Stephen and Jimmy. I stand with freedom of speech. I stand with intelligent observational comedy. I stand with the truth. I stand firmly opposed to the fascist dictators that seek to silence us.

I'm choosing to pretend that all of the American flags at half-staff that I see as I drive around are for Robert Redford -- a man that greatly influenced and enhanced America's arts and culture for decades. It's way better than the other reason the flags are lowered. I salute you RR.

A sitting U.S. president took to social media to declare war against a peaceful U.S. city and its citizens. War. Against the very country he is constitutional charged to protect. I stand with the good people of Chicago against this illegal tyranny.

Remember last weekend when we all thought *he* was about to die? It was a simpler time back then. I miss those days.

Oh. My. Gawd. Am I somehow in agreement with... Marjorie Taylor Greene?!?! I feel like I should take a Silkwood shower now. I might even turn off my weather-controlling space lasers for a few days.

Those claw machines require patience.

Yes, today is 9/01/25.

When he does finally kick the bucket, you know his evil acolytes will definitely "Weekend At Bernie's" him for as long as they possibly can.

Read Katie Johnson's story. Listen to the victims, not the vicitmizers.

Is NASA complimenting me on my hot ass??? I'm blushing!