capkake

finished my house of horrors!! it was a really fun read, the asspulls didnt feel like the author was making stuff up on the spot and felt moreso like planned foreshadowing.
I'd rate it a 10/10 but the plot device of clear scenario --> dumb down visitors & brag about chen ge's smartness pmo so 9.7/10

caught up to shadow slave i thought it was finished so when [mc] used [item] to check if anything had changed i thought it was open ended and rly cool until i check the novel and it says "ongoing" 😭

novels/manwha i've read

forgot to mention: i did a spreadsheet with most of the manwhas/novels i've read, im missing a bunch, all recs will be read after i finish the ones im reading rn docs.google.com/spreadsheets...

crying myself to sleep knowing my friends would and will have more fun without me, gn gng

i've spent more than 80% of my life just dissociating and disconecting myself from life, and i just find myself doing the same mistakes over and over and never doing anything to fix them.. i've gone on self improvement for months and then one day stopped as if i never even started it, back to step 0

my mental's been such a trainwreck lately and i dont know what to do about it, my trust issues and low self esteem have been fucking me and every time i try to talk to someone about it i either get bounced or end in tears :3
on a lighter note, shadow slave is a banger, currently 1900ch in, 10/10 ngl

hell yeah, currently finishing shadow slave, im on a relatively insane pace rn cuz its so good, ch1900 lmfao

6 months later and wow what a ride

LoTM COI finished; even though the reviews made me anxious and lowered my expectations, I'm glad it managed to subvert them and still have a really good and clear ending, overall i'd rate it a 9/10 compared to book 1, would still read again if i ever got dementia

but yeah life is worth living, because besides the fact that there's always someone in a worse situation still living for a reason, even if you feel like everyone hates you, there's always someone who would do anything in their reach for you, even if that person may change over time

besides all that yap i'm afraid to come out to my parents (mostly dad) because if i do, i'm actually either dead or homeless, no inbetween. im not into politics but my dad had a masters degree in it, now he cant find a job and i've stopped eating with him because every. single. time. it's politics

i have been reaching a new low by the day, and my mental hasn't liked it one bit. hell, for the first time in years i actually entertained the idea of walking until i collapse in the middle of fuckwhere, but thankfully i had a chat w/ a friend who stopped me from being too irrational; thanks tm8 ❤️

i've had no actual fucking food for months, it's been the occasional good and balanced pasta with everything, just to eat rice and beans for the 8th time in a row.
my friends have offered me money to actually eat properly but i cant be trusted like that, i'd spend the money haphazardly on stupid sht

there are some jobs that i can apply to, but holy fuck is the pay low, my mom has 2 masters in econ and stats and she's getting paid almost minimum wage because "her italian is not good" like btch its numbers, just hire a qc if you're so annoyed by the grammar, she's working her ass off from 8-9pm..

i want to find a job, live life and finish everything after having enjoyed everything i've done in life, but step 1 is to find a damn job and since apparently knowing 3 languages fluently is not a quality that people hire for, then tough luck because i dont have 80 years of experience in dishwashing

like my life went downhill before i even had a say, and then i'm expected to be able to do everything i wasnt taught, or solve problems that even those with 40 more years of experience than me can't even fathom to comprehend as if i was a machine that magically granted wishes as long as you asked.

it's been mostly my anxiety and social traumas stopping me from actively socialising, but i cant become blameless, since both of those things are only roadblocks, i cant stop just cuz someone built a sign that says "caution! bumpy road ahead" when roads have been bumpy since the greeks were a thing

I'm going to rant a bit because oh my god my mental is not in a good place, and as much as i wish it wasn't my fault, it kinda is.
I'm too much of a coward to actually do things that i want to do, I'm too much of a lazy bum to actually finish things that i want to do, and I could go on forever.

18th birthday!!! spent half of it reading lotm coi and the other half yapping to my extended family about lotm coi

safe to say safe to say

It's been a while since I last posted here, had to take a mental break from *almost* going homeless, safe to say that didn't stop me from finishing LoTM today... safe to say that ending genuinely made me tear up 🥲 I'm starting coi rn (apparently part two?) so i'll (maybe) update more here :p

caught a hay fever so im reading slower than ever (still <20ch/d); klein smurfing goes harder than expected 😭😭, im imagining the world as klein but with a fake moustache, glasses, and his name spelled with a c instead of a k 😌

my reading pace will be dropping cuz school started again & i need to lock in for these credits, + i overestimated how good of a student i am so i might've taken on one too many extracurricular classes :ppppp

for a whole 5 minutes the novel baited me so hard into thinking it was a protag change revenge arc side story (buzzwords) 😭

yup, honestly peak

a man in a suit and tie is sitting in a chair with his hands up . ALT: a man in a suit and tie is sitting in a chair with his hands up .

holy fuck lotm is absolute cinema what the fuck ?????????

wow...

ok holy fuck the captain got me teary eyed man

oh FUCK I SHOULDN'T HAVE CONTINUED READING I HAVE SCHOOL TOMORROW AND THIS PART LOOKS SO GOOD

currently at ch200 of lotm i have no words for this peak... kinda scared for what the captain is doing :p