PrismTism 🌈 Heather ✨AuDHD

Beginning to think there *might* be more ways to have romance in Rogue Trader than needing to get your soul corrupted by a torture fanatic, but what do I know, haven’t met her yet.

I now have a giant cat alien to pet that my scandilous gal pal gave me, a robo dog to pet that Capricorporal says won’t like me but OBVIOUSLY does, and a raven hovering above my cackling space witch buddy.

Also linking mind labyrinths while my eyelids are sewn shut with twinning bone bud, Kibbles.

* Believe I have corrected the typos in this thread.

Have made a bad habit of writing things while exhausted and collapsing into slumber rather than double checking what I have written before sending.

Working on improving on this.

* I just do not want to continue these patterns…

(NOT “I just do not want YOU to continue…”)

* Handle MINE on my own…

* WHERE wounds linger…

* WHEN I needed to spend time away…

I give it freely to all of them.

There it is!

💯💯💯💯💯💯

Kiddo gets pretty wiped out during the school week, which is understandable, but has been asking to spend more time together on the weekends, and that’s been really wonderful.

It’s honestly been a really hard year, but connecting more again is… I’m very grateful. So cool seeing them find themself.

Had a good evening with kiddo watching last couple episodes in the Minecraft Vampires series they’ve been enjoying, at least last couple from one character’s point of view.

Great storytelling in this series, found it compelling, and more importantly glad kiddo enjoys it, wants to watch together.

Anyone who says “be normal” betrays that they have an implicit value system of who is considered normal and who is not, and when you have that, you will always value some people and traits over another. They will always replicate hierarchies of power in the long run.

Cutie pie on the inside, I knew it!

Helped the Arbitrary Adepts to take down a Chaotic Pirate who didn’t tithe properly, which obviously is a good thing for military super soldiers to handle.

Solo Morn kept a stiff upper lip about only caring about duty and work until I found those confessions of how Solo Morn was sweeeeet on me.

Thanks. 🩷

Realized who I could reach out to. ☺️

I very much enjoy a good dance with words, through music, and many other mediums as well.

Not one where I alone communicate with clear words.

Silence is clarity.

That is worthy of respect, and I will do so.

Even if I wish other paths were possible.

I just do not want you to continue these patterns I have lived for too long.

And I am so ready to move beyond them. There are people I would love to do so with. Yet I cannot decide on that on my own. Nor engage in a continual effort to persuade that yes this is worthwhile.

This often comes with a fair amount of disrespect towards me I’m supposed to ignore, while every ounce of respect and deference is expected of me.

Do what I am asked, do not ask anything of others.

Help others with their needs. Handle mins on my own.

I’m not asking to be coddled.

All too often I’ve been asked to provide that without ever discussing what’s happened or how to work through things better for anyone involved in the future.

The price of reconnection is often forgetting and moving on without healing, wherr wounds linger and take revenge later.

I can’t keep living life like that.

Those who expect others to do so assuredly have their own pains that need healing.

And as much as I might want to, I cannot help another to heal if they do not want to do so.

I have so much room in my heart for healing and grace and forgiveness.

Then I could rejoin the family.

People would not *tell* me what I did.

I just had to run through all the possibilities. Constantly. And hope I guessed right. If not, try try again.

The reverse was not true. Pointing out something unfair was tattling or talking back. Worthy of harsh punishment.

I grew up around people who expected me to divine that they really did care while acting harshly towards me, with cruel words that were only jokes after all. If I made a mistake, whe I needed to spend time away from others and think about what I’d done. Once I could explain my mistake and apologize?

This may seem obvious, and yet, I do think I’m getting better at accepting more again that if someone prefers silence to speaking, and they do not acknowledge appreciation you show for what they do, they’ve made their choices clear, and it’s important to respect others’ wishes.

That’s clarity.

I’m proud of me and that matters.

A lot.

Miss having like a go to person or group of folks to share good news with where you can tell they’re happy for you.

Had something positive happen I am glad for it, frustrating knowing the people I talk to the most, my family, will actively be upset at me. Frustrating.

TrouserFan1905 believed freedom meant choices, owning those: he worked to disprove Freud’s belief in the unconscious, so cannot imagine he’d be a fan of astrology.

— fascinating birth chart tho —

Beliefs shifted a bit due to being part of *French resistance* in Paris.

Tonight’s Sartre Fun Facts™️!

Portion of a Reddit discussion on favorite Sartre quotes: AdResponsible5513 (4years ago) “Sartre's calling attention to the role of bad faith in discourse may be one of the few things that keep him relevant.” Replying: 4bidd (4 years ago) “That and those trousers!” [deleted account] (4 years ago) "Good morning my Lil' Crabbies. I teach today, so please be on your best behavior. “He said this to his permanent crab hallucinations he had from taking an absolutely heroic dose of mescaline on the beach.” Replying: thegreatbates (4 years ago) “That entire comment was just a roller coaster”

Did not expect to learn tonight that carcinization included lifelong hallucinations of Jean-Paul Sartre, lthe most Gemini any Gemini could be as a summer solstice child, with the comfort of Cancer mere minutes away: did he soothe this through an open relationship with Simone de Beauvoir. Simplistic!

Did some good things today so it’s time to pillage uhhhhh EXPLORE the Koronus Expanse along with my new Elfsassin pal.

She and I are… coming to an understanding. Slowly.

Well, well, well.

It’s Friday once again.

Have you locked in? Is there still time? Are you able and willing to do what must be done?

Vite, vite, tout de suite!