Jpsh

"my cabbages" is the same joke as "my leg" but it's just different Nickelodeon IP

Cirkul is basically vapes for your water

Me: "...it's mid-afternoon..."
Afternoon: "Okay first of all, rude."

"He's in the corner, fingering his duduk"

Hot take oatmeal raisin cookies are good, actually

Humans: What else you got?
Yeast: I think I have something you might like... (It's my excrement)

Plants: *evolve nicotine as defense against insects*
Humans: You had me at "mildly pleasurable but also uncomfortable!"
Plants: *evolve cocaine as defense*
Humans: Bruh. BRUH.

Plants: *evolve capsaicin to prevent mammals from eating*
Humans: Pain! I love pain! *Creates entire economies around cultivating chilis*
Plants: *evolve caffeine as defense mechanism*
Humans: THIS! I love *this.* You've done it again, plants!

Hear me out, Retvrnposting but for before November 2024

If you enjoy The Big Bang Theory or Young Sheldon, that's a massive red flag.

🎵Uh huh, that's my shit...🎶 your toilet wouldn't flush so

I think that framing is correct if we're looking at this objectively. But for the Right, they aren't. For them, there is meant to be an *order* to the world (spoilers: it's white supremacy and patriarchy) and anyone who deviates from that order is inherently evil and deserving of *all* punishment.

And what, he gave his phone to someone and was like, "Quick, get a photo of me crawling around on the pavement all bloody"

Come back to this post when the White House creates its own peace prize and awards it to That Guy

pov my bugati changes color

Never ever allow anyone who unironically calls himself an "alpha male" to be alone with a woman.

This would have been 2006? 2007? I wanna say I had the CDMA one.

Core memory: using my Motorola Krzr as a USB modem for my laptop. It would accept AT commands. It was 2g and it natively worked and I loved it.

I remember having an emotional connection to a physical photograph. Thinking, "this is the only one." A precious, tangible thing in my fingers. That feeling really hit me the first time I lived alone, a thousand miles from my friends. All I had was a handful of photographs of them.

Listening to Pictures of You by The Cure. One line stuck out to me: "...I almost believe that the pictures are all I can feel" and realized he meant physical photographs. And the lack of physical touch with the subject of said photos. He wasn't singing about digital photos on a screen in 1990.

If you don't want to be called a racist when you die, start by not being a racist

Now, about the content of the episode... The PSA bit, especially. I don't love how the punchline is: "fat bodies = gross" and "small pee pee is shameful." But I'm also not gonna waste any energy defending the guy, just.. everyone is entitled to love their bodies without shame.

What the White House has done in response to South Park is study in what not to do. They showed their hand. This episode *stung* and they HATE it. This is how bullies act. They can dish it out (with no humor) and they can't take it.

When you're a person in the public eye, and someone does a takedown parody, laser-focused on *you*, the classy thing to do is acknowledge it and move on. What shitty people with no sense of humor do is cry about it on social media. Or get litigious.

What the Simba?

Also, don't come at me like I'm talking about kids. I'm obviously not talking about kids

Every vagina haver deserves a Hitachi Magic Wand and every penis haver deserves a Fleshlight. And if that weirds you out, and you're not asexual, think about why.

Every time someone complains like, "How am I supposed to explain _____ (trans people, non binary people, queer people, etc) to my kids remember: Taylor Lautner married Taylor Lautner.

A cruel angel's thesis implies a cruel angel's comps exam

I just realized that if James Somerton had been able to use ChatGPT we probably wouldn't have noticed. That is unsettling.