Alice Lastname

If the tariffs are ultimately unconstitutional we’re gonna have to give massive refunds to Amazon and Temu and nothing to the people who actually bought the shit at a markup, thanks to our feckless President.

Share this tweet if you are down for a national walkout.

Release the Epstein Files!

Calzone

I’ve said “what the ever loving fuck” out loud at least 8 times today about current events, but this is the ever loving fuckiest.

Bringing back that National Origins Formula, I see.

That’s the trick, I’m from the area and have to introduce it to other people as sort-of-Greek-inspired meat sauce and then they usually get into it.

Scrotox-level smoothness + the elusive male birth control option all in one elegant solution!

Google’s AI describing removing wrinkles from your scrotum with a steamer or iron.

My favorite one (this was, at least briefly, real).

@govpritzker.illinois.gov hi there, ^ this would annoy all the worst people and also be a win for gay folks in backwards states if you want to get a jump on it.

So sort of - all states have to recognize all marriages from other states, including the gay ones, but states can elect not to issue marriage licenses to gay couples. Hoping Illinois starts letting zoom marriages and online license issuance for out of state couples happen to alleviate this.

It’s true but also the idiocy of tariffs on Switzerland being higher than tariffs on China should not go unremarked upon.

The FBI / DOJ has the files unless they’ve been destroyed - they’re just “sealed” from public release.

Not releasing the files is different than not building a case for and then prosecuting the perpetrators of sex crimes, though.

"It was miraculous. It was almost no trick at all, he saw, to turn vice into virtue and slander into truth, impotence into abstinence, arrogance into humility, plunder into philanthropy, thievery into honor, blasphemy into wisdom, brutality into patriotism, and sadism into justice. Anybody could do it; it required no brains at all. It merely required no character." - Joseph Heller, Catch 22

And a plurality of voters fell for it. Unpresidented.

I don’t care about nudity but suppose I prefer for it to either be solicited or expected (sauna = ok, flashing = not so much) but either way, use of women’s rooms involves no nudity, so even people who might have valid reasons to avoid dick will be able to do so regardless of who else uses it.

Even the normal guys have a hard time accepting that I’ve never inadvertently seen genitalia in a public bathroom. Urinals aren’t a thing for us. I’ve no idea what the other women have going on downstairs.

Well you see, if we learn new things we might accidentally challenge our preconceived notions, and that’s un-American.

It’s so depressing but it wouldn’t even matter if he released concrete proof he was guilty. His fan club will just pivot to defending him. “Mary was only 14!” “How could he have known they were minors?” “They got paid so are they REALLY victims??” It’s so predictable he should just get it over with.

I don’t even understand why they’re bothering to cover it up so hard. If they released irrefutable proof Trump was involved his supporters would just pivot to “ok but how much puberty is, like, enough puberty?”

Why do we undo things that everyone universally wants just to be dillholes.

I could tell something really normal happened while I was busy with work, when the first thing in Trending was “MechaHitler.”

We don’t even need to secede (it would be real clunky) - what we need to do is raise state income taxes in the blue states, collectively, to pre-2017 levels (or Clinton era, even better) and use our $80+bn to fund interstate compacts to provide needed services.

It’s wishful thinking but I’d like the blue states to up their taxes so we’re all paying what we would have been paying without this ridiculous bill and then make interstate compacts to provide the services these morons are cutting. I feel bad for the blue dots but we should help who we can.

Right but New York spending 1.2bn on stadiums for various sports teams is just capitalism at its best, obviously. My dudes, we need the bread BEFORE the circuses.

It should be really obvious to these folks he’s a hard right religious nutbag. Trump called people who did vandalism to Teslas domestic terrorists who should be deported to El Salvador, and is basically silent on this guy. If he were a Dem, this would not be the case.

All these articles about the MN assassin being a “Walz appointee” and it took like 2 seconds to google that appointees to that committee are nominated by industry groups, and not like, Walz’s hand-picked besties. This fact is unmentioned in the articles. Irresponsible.

If a righty says “states’ rights” what they mean is “the state’s right to restrict individual liberties.”

All the federal government needs to do is have a pay-per-view duel to the death between Trump and Musk and then we wouldn’t even have a deficit anymore.