IDM Bieber

Incomprehensible Technicalities - “there, did that clear things up for you?” Brrrzzt

German bureaucracy - it was wrong for you to not have anywhere to live, and it was wrong for you to have somewhere to live, it was wrong for you to not have work for this period, and it was wrong for you to have work for this other period - Alle Menschen Sind Fehler 🤖

Also learnt that rollmops are nicknamed “Hartz IV Sushi” in Berlin - which is a mirror Mediterranean / Baltic diet paradox for cardiovascular disease

Wrote “sponsored by Matjesbrötchen” on an IG post, and it was flagged as paid partnership / in breach of Branded Content Policies - if Westpommersche Matjesbrötchen-Gewerkschaft would like to reach out 🤝

🎃

Now trying to channel some Kosmiche “you got this” energy, a psychotic Guarana optimism, a sugared spirit, scorning Fructose and flab, wooting internally as I begin to do 10 girly pushups and maybe swing that Kettel bell thing around a bit 🇺🇸 (U-S-A! U-S-A!)

Offtopic

Now at CIA blacksite, close to death, sodomised, seeing light at end of tunnel, and you notice your captor has a long piece of toilet paper stuck to his shoe, which he has not noticed, as he skulks around battered periphery, a great feeling of peace descends, that all is cringe

No amount of slowmo highlights reels and doomy music is going to erase how utterly cringe this period of history is turning out to be 📚

"first as fuckery, then as cringe, then as fuckery-cringe" - Carl Farts

21st century will be known for the Cringe War and Whoopsie War III

Avoid negligent misuse of our Advanced Filtration Toolset by signing up to our Syntax Highlighted Dialog Failsafe Addon ($500K p/a) 🚀

"don't worry we have backups in 6-8 nuclear bunkers" 🌐

Just so happens, the CLI is maintained by a Palantir dev, so goes to show evil comes in many shapes and sizes, and soon filter --path /uk/nhs/test.db 🚑

This git rewrite CLI, used filter --path and filter --invert-paths, where the former denotes permanently deleting everything, except --path, and the latter denotes permanently deleting the path 🪷

5 months ago lost 2 weeks work, during monorepo refactor, via some git rewrite CLI, with RTFM caveats, and only just recovering from this. Many breathing exercises! Namaste 🐬

Bumpy, by Oneohtrix Point Never from the album Tranquilizer

oneohtrixpointnever.bandcamp.com/track/bumpy

All for the pulsating Yaoguai outside, ever hungry, ever devouring.

In another 1500 years the civilisational metamorphosis will be complete, and what remains of humanity will huddle in the ruins of prefab housing blocks, where they will craft items in candle-lit cellars - a pair of mittens sewn from kelp, an iPhone from bones ...

As terrified villagers dispense bottle caps and whisper back in unison "An innovation for your troubles".

If in 500 years time Europe is reduced to subsistence farming and superstition, an army of This Man will rise and spread out across the continent to collect alms and indulgences. These hooded figures will travel by cart proclaiming "Will you be in for art, my child?" ...

A folkloric Yaoguai conjured by the PRC to set back European science, technology and innovation 500 years - revolving through institutions to devour and consume the creative Chi of it's youth, leaving nothing but a trail of droppings and mucus across conference rooms.

Being described like a small insect or animal specimen, that keeps dodging ingenious papier-mâché and string traps - "I just can't put my finger on you" - Agent North Sea Gas Exploration, 2024

"why won't you die" - 2023, Agent Wankpole

New terminologies: Unuseful Idiot, Undupable Dupe, 20/20 Vision Asset, Unwittingly Non-compliant Agent, Stitch-out, Insomniac

2020s coconut milk and chia seed glass pudding orb / 1970s devilled egg and pineapple sculpted swan platter

Conspiracy - no one actually likes chia seeds, just pretends to like them in manner of 1970s cooking, like bananas with cream cheese

Biomechanical Ivan Drago with neural calculus implant, is shagging your Mum

A bit shit and scrappy doesn’t sound cool enough, doesn’t justify budgets - no my friend, we are dealing with Hybrid Threats

Normalise calling people “hybrid threats”, ambiguously dangerous, biomechanical, genetic, HR Giger energy