Bear with me: a couch that serves sandwiches so you don’t have to get up to make one. No I don’t know how it works, I’m an ideas person not an engineer fuck off
03.03.2026 16:06 — 👍 53 🔁 15 💬 3 📌 0Bear with me: a couch that serves sandwiches so you don’t have to get up to make one. No I don’t know how it works, I’m an ideas person not an engineer fuck off
03.03.2026 16:06 — 👍 53 🔁 15 💬 3 📌 0Going to start using the word whilst just to piss people off.
04.03.2026 03:24 — 👍 186 🔁 38 💬 28 📌 1inventor of Triscuits: what if you could eat wicker furniture
01.03.2026 13:03 — 👍 187 🔁 57 💬 5 📌 4read to me. read to me like one of your rainbows
24.02.2026 14:25 — 👍 96 🔁 42 💬 1 📌 1Back to penning my Rockford Files fanfiction
04.03.2026 05:06 — 👍 3 🔁 2 💬 1 📌 0[first day undercover] Can you speak up I’m wearing a wire
03.03.2026 03:27 — 👍 134 🔁 28 💬 1 📌 1First Monday at my new work from home job and I’ve already had an urgent meeting with my dogs and a hostile takeover attempt by my cats.
02.03.2026 14:15 — 👍 135 🔁 30 💬 7 📌 0The doctor told my husband he could stand to gain a few pounds, and I gained 10 pounds just from overhearing the conversation.
03.03.2026 17:27 — 👍 23 🔁 7 💬 0 📌 1Fully into the "that's weird, I don't remember doing that" stage of adult life
02.03.2026 17:06 — 👍 58 🔁 19 💬 2 📌 0cramming for this eye exam looking at every fucking thing I can
03.03.2026 00:17 — 👍 467 🔁 130 💬 11 📌 5Onlyfans but it's me sniffing unlabled spices
04.03.2026 01:05 — 👍 39 🔁 13 💬 1 📌 0my sister and i love each other so much that sometimes we argue to decide who is the bigger bitch (it's our brother)
03.03.2026 16:51 — 👍 83 🔁 27 💬 1 📌 0First protein cigarette will go hard
25.02.2026 22:56 — 👍 610 🔁 143 💬 24 📌 8Adding “Dairy” to my work experience with no context
26.02.2026 13:49 — 👍 171 🔁 55 💬 9 📌 1Another morning. Another ignore things I need to be doing.
03.03.2026 16:15 — 👍 29 🔁 13 💬 1 📌 0I'm not depressed. I just hate everyone and everything
03.03.2026 15:43 — 👍 128 🔁 39 💬 7 📌 2Hear me out: a cake you jump into.
03.03.2026 21:25 — 👍 205 🔁 77 💬 17 📌 6*sensing a single loose hair somewhere on my body* I am superhuman
01.03.2026 15:58 — 👍 160 🔁 41 💬 4 📌 0sooo can I donate someone else’s plasma for money
03.03.2026 11:56 — 👍 128 🔁 48 💬 6 📌 2*a slo-mo video of me grinding pepper on various foodstuffs*
27.02.2026 00:07 — 👍 135 🔁 41 💬 12 📌 1Just me and my messy bun against the world.
04.03.2026 01:02 — 👍 64 🔁 14 💬 4 📌 0so awesome that we found a way to make podcasts even more annoying by filming them as they're being recorded
27.02.2026 00:21 — 👍 852 🔁 100 💬 26 📌 0amazing to think how Sesame Street all began with one sesame seed
24.02.2026 02:57 — 👍 107 🔁 31 💬 0 📌 0anybody else ever sit at a stop sign waiting for it to change
04.03.2026 01:41 — 👍 23 🔁 4 💬 3 📌 0Sometimes I get the same feeling on here like when I wander into a room and forget why
22.02.2026 02:08 — 👍 120 🔁 47 💬 3 📌 0I hope you like a girl with thick sighs
22.02.2026 21:11 — 👍 327 🔁 109 💬 9 📌 2I’m just learning about it now but I probably already fucked it up yesterday.
26.02.2026 11:18 — 👍 30 🔁 16 💬 0 📌 0i don’t know what i want to stress eat so i’m just gonna hoover up a little bit of everything
27.02.2026 01:43 — 👍 44 🔁 17 💬 3 📌 0logs on to announce various goings on with my body
27.02.2026 03:11 — 👍 102 🔁 26 💬 9 📌 1you ever listen to someone talk and realize their frontal lobe isn’t done marinating yet
27.02.2026 12:56 — 👍 118 🔁 38 💬 5 📌 0