Chames

Home is where the pants aren’t

I’m just a girl, standing in front of a cat

asking her to stop screaming at me while I shower

the other hoarders show doesn’t show the cleanup and i need to see that shit

who up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, b, a, startin’

1970s Kmart Cafeteria menu (includes Liver & Onions Luncheon)

who up heading to the kmart cafeteria for some liver & onions

*submits paperwork to switch to a “who up” only account*

who up eating leftover taco meat with a spoon

I'm sorry for what I said every time I've opened my mouth.

If someone asks you to do something, tell them you have diarrhea. No one wants to hang out with you if you have diarrhea

let’s hold hands while they reset the simulation

imagine hating me and i’m just over here redoing confrontations in the shower

listens to your valid arguments but at 1.5x

Gonna start wearing one of those over-the-neck harmonicas during zoom calls until i stop getting invited

Some posters have a stream of consciousness that’s a whole wavelength and I just wanna get on it.

i carry a hostess snoball around with me at all times as a talisman against those whose wish i’d eat healthier

if you’re ever working the graveyard shift at bluesky and need to steal a quick nap, there’s an old couch down in the boiler room you didn’t hear this from me

Just once I’d like my internet boyfriends to tell their wives they’re busy on a Saturday and then spend all day liking my posts.

If I really like you I’ll let you feel the dent in my head

*brings a grilled cheese to a knife fight so someone will cut it into triangles for me*

fantasizing about those mashed potatoes from close encounters of the third kind

*resets your router as a friend*

me, reading your posts

This is about me

Does this fanny pack make my ass look lame?

Thought I was depressed, but I just needed to see the Mindhunter easter egg in Monster: Ed Gein

I can’t afford therapy but I can afford a large pizza which doesn’t help because ultimately I’ll need more therapy when I’m done

Mirror my personality and chill?

Death doesn’t suddenly make you a good person and not enough people recognize that

All I’m saying is my vibrator has never gotten shitty with me over the replies I receive online

Failing life so hard right now that it keeps passing my test back face down