Hey hey it's Lisbeth here! 🐲

Them: any plans for Christmas?

Me: yeah! dissociating but like with a festive nail color

Today, I went to a cat cafe. A cat managed to breach containment: she got through a triple-door system, leapt onto a counter, squeezed through a tiny food ordering hole, and all but leapt into my arms. I should’ve been allowed to keep her.

you don’t always see cats in places where you’ve seen them before because cats are only ever where they are right now.

You know you're old when ''I have to go'' stops reffering to parties

There’s a poor little baby screaming on the bus. Me too, little person, me too.

Yeah been good Frenchy just busy with life stuff. Hope you're well!

6 years ago I made a meme, posted it to Reddit and it got 84k upvotes and life since has been terrible.

Paparazzi, free cocaine, women literally throwing themselves at me when I drop my kids off at kinder.

Careful the life you choose, folks

"this drink bottle has mould in it. I shall return it back to where it came from and hope it cleans itself or is magically replaced"

My 12yo

Goon a movie

Goon in 60 Seconds

I hate to be a killjoy but "no licking each other's buttholes" is an important household rule for keeping peace between our cats

Vintage photo A small child sitting on a stool with arms crossed leg crossed over knee and smoking a cigarette to his side is live poultry cause why not?

Monday and his cock waiting like ..

Futuristic photo of a woman in a orange hooded slicker encased in a clear bubble suit

Bubble up,baby

(first date)

Touch grass you said

It will be fun you said

Sure I said what’s the worst that could happen

(severe allergic reaction and $200 fine)

One day I'll make my own chicken stock. One day....😋

anyone else need a necklace with a button to push for being in an "i've fallen and can't get up" mental space?

I don't delete my bad posts because why should I suffer alone.

Powerade has really perfected the flavor of Blue

Someone on the old site once posted ‘have you ever owned a vinyl record?’ and instead of replying I withdrew to my horseless carriage and drove to the dry goods store to purchase a box of powdered milk

A pair of great horned owls have returned the woods behind our place. It's so comforting to hear their song. I realize there’s probably something deeply mystical and prophetic about them but I’m still going to skeet about bearded clams today

We used to have a couple of restaurants in town – one named Bert’s and the other Ernie’s. True story. Anyhoo, enjoy Plymouth Rock.

My 11 month old tuxedo baby cat, Dudley lying on the floor and looking off to the left like he just noticed something pretty cool. There's a wee bit of pink cardboard next to him because he likes it

Can I come over and stare at you like this?

A weighted blanket, but it’s just someone dropping a grand piano on me.

A muk bang, but it’s just me eating everything in sight to fill the yawning emptiness inside me.

Got some tuna water in an open cut, I bet I wake up with an incredibly shitty super power.

I will gladly give you some advice if you’re interested in ruining your life.

So glad I'm not the only one who thinks the monster was hot! 😆

Listen, we didn't ask for a hot and sensitive Frankenstein monster but we certainly deserved one.

sly looking red fox

Anyone: Do not fuck with me

Me: *challenge accepted*

There are some things you just can't set aside.

according to the exit polls everyone thinks you’re a little bitch