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I'm thinking of maybe changing my theme to Columbina I like her a little too much but also tbh I still vibe with Fischl

100 posts

my f/o and ask for permission in a way, I'm so used to doing that on twt but because of that I've been so shy on here
But that's okay I think I just need to try doing it again, maybe then I'll get more comfy again
And it's not like I post much on Twitter anyway

started to feel shy
I'm always like "be cringe be free" but looks like the fear of being judged and laughed at didn't disappear, if it ever will
Said friend wasn't active here in a while or at least I didn't see them, so who knows really
That's actually why I usually am unsure about loveposting +

The fact I'm shy about posting yume related stuff here is because of a friend (old friend? we didn't talk in a while) saying how yumeshipping is cringe and we should leave it in 2024
It's been my coping mechanism for a while and I really did have feelings for charas, especially now but I still +

Kinda wanna retheme but Idk what character to use lol

"I don't need pills" but you talk to yourself, have memories of things/conversations that didn't happen and do things for seemingly no reason, because when we ask you for the reason you say "I don't know"

Yeah, you absolutely don't need them /sarc

Man I should have just kept this account anonymous on everyone's part

Me when friend says they hate something/a group of people and there's someone they like associate with it and it actually kinda fits me bruhhh

I want to cry, I want to scream, I want to do things I'm sure I don't actually want to do

Like why does the idea of s/h feel so much more intriguing again
Except when I actually think about it, I don't want to do it
Just the idea...

I feel full and it's not my fault
They made me sandwiches which I didn't ask for, I made myself breakfast earlier and had snacks, I had enough but it would be a waste if I didn't eat them
I didn't ask, they just did it, for who knows what reason
They don't listen to what we want and just do whatever

So much is going on at once, from the less important things like sad things happening in a video game I'm watching, to more important things like my closest friend possibly planning a suicide
All of it during my parent being a stranger due to mental illness
I just want it all to end

I still wish they were taken to the mental hospital again though, it feels really unlikely they'll call for the pills because of how they act like they know everything and everyone else is overreacting and that they're in the right

It honestly became easier to pretend the mentally ill parent just isn't there
If they're ignorant about everyone around them, they're feelings and the things se say, I will ignore them too

They're too quiet for me to hear fully unfortunately, I can't listen in too well

Some of those things sound like a fictional character having a breakdown I'm sorry

Not being able to sleep whole night is so funny because I feel high and I'm like genuinely curious what the mentally ill parent is currently whispering about like what if it's an insane revelation that will change my world view forever
Or a peak story idea

I feel like I shouldn't have said that just because I fear I'll start thinking about them now 💔💔💔
I gotta think about my f/o and then go to sleep dawg

timed where i would say literally anything, even if they were on topic (thinking back on them DAMN that was embarassing) but like yeah i won't be doing that anymore
At least I don't think I will but I mostly only interact with closer mutuals lately, so,, yeah

I already have a lot going on in my life which leaves me emotionally exhausted pretty much every day like I literally didn't want to leave a room because the rest of the house didn't feel safe because of the mentally ill parent 💀
I still will whem I'll have anything to say/add but there used to be +

What I'm trying to say is,,, yk, I think I really will like even mentally distance myself from That one artist
I still like talking to them but due to still being worried they might find me annoying after the incident we don't talk about interacting with them/waiting for a reply can be tiring and +

I have something to say but Idk how to start dawg

Should have left this account 0 followers 0 following dawg

Effects of previous traumas are showing
I keep talking and venting about what's happening and I start to feel a little bad for it, like a burden, when all that I want is to be comforted

Shit hit the fan today, the mentally ill parent started whispering to themselves again

Damn great I made myself yearn by this realization, I guess it's kinda good but also damn

Wow... That thread was such a waste of time low-key
I should just continue watching that one game I started watching

In a way, my yearning softened, it can be still strong but it's for the softer, sillier things now
It's kind of comforting to think that way

And I still wanna make out with him sometimes, so like

is different now, even if it's not that "sexual", in this way that my brain doesn't melt that much anymore, that I don't have those and long periods of yearning for making out or stuff like that, it's still love
I have to remember that in times like these

It's sooooo annoying and sooooo stupid yet I kinda miss getting high on the feelings
Then again it's just part od being in love, even if it's more casual now it's still love
He still means a lot to me and I still want to wake up, spend my days and go to sleep with him
Even the form of yearning +