Jordy

When you ask me my favorite horror movie and I tell you Breaking Bad S5E15 33:04

Me: sry I can’t, something came up.
Something: broccoli farts

on the one hand they are both horrible heartless selfish narcisistic idiots responsible for hundreds of thousands of unnecessary deaths and untold suffering. on the other hand there is no other hand fuck those guys

Is it a week where I’m just a lil xtra eepy or is it ✨depression✨

People being surprised that Thom York is kind of a selfish prick is….surprising tbh

I absolutely did not forget about asana Monday or Sun Salutation B or adding options and proptions for all levels in my new asana breakdown link in bio

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I have been sick for a week and I just read about "something going around" in a subreddit, which I guess is how I get my information now that the CDC is officially spending the next four years determining when and how microscopes became gay.

If my hot neighbor didn’t want me to memorize his schedule and perch on the window sill to slow blink at him when he passes by then WHY did he tell me he liked cats??? Riddle me that “male loneliness epidemic”

POV you invite me to your southern Christian wedding and don’t expect me to dress like lesbian john travolta:

Horror movies in 2025 are so frustrating. You really think I’m not gonna use my little pocket robot to call 911 on a ghost???

Honestly waking up at 4am to teach yoga kind of slaps. I kind of love it here and by here I mean alone with my cats and not a human in sight.

I came here to rate dogs and look at bodega cats, nothing more and nothing less.

a golden retriever is squeezing his face between two seats in an effort to get closer to us. his top row of teefs are exposed.

This guy sitting in the row in front of me won't leave me alone. Still 14/10

Keep it down!

I feel betrayed by the part of the ven diagram where people with flared ribs and fitness influencers collide because wym “i don’t have abs i have flared ribs” shut your mouth that was between us 😭

What’s that? You needed another 60 seconds of me being an absolute nuisance on the internet?

Check out this week’s asana breakdown where we’ll be going over Half Moon in an extended episode where you can practice along with me in a couple of fun mini vinyasa sequences!

🔗 link in bio

#yoga

No I don’t have a cat. I have a tiny criminal who has imposed a cheese tax on my existence in the home I pay for her to live in.

why can't all food trucks also have jingles and roam neighborhoods

Sure drugs are cool but have you ever rage cried in a deep hip opener?

It would be in everyone’s best interest if I was paid to not work while PMSing. Just a thought ✨

I feel like it’s finally time to go to therapy to talk about my abuser (Shonda Rhimes)

Men rolling up their dress shirt sleeves is the modern-day equivalent of Victorian ladies showing ankle. Look at that *gasp* elbow! [swoons uncontrollably]

No one makes a woman feel more valued, seen, heard, appreciated, and admired than a chonky orange boy cat

Literally so lame that we can’t all just get along (ki11 nazis, castrate pedos, etc)

We saw every movie and read every book about robots and AI killing us and said “yes let’s make sure that happens to us for real.”

POV you open the cheese drawer and turn to see me, waiting, ready for cheese

YouTube video by Jordy 70min Beginner Vinyasa Flow (Warrior Sequence + guided meditation)

Curious about yoga? How to support yourself with props? What you can use to substitute for yoga blocks and bolsters?

I got you!!

Check out my beginner #yoga sequence, a complete class with options for modified sun salutations, a standing sequence, grounding cool down & guided meditation 🌟

literally me when I send off a deranged lil skeet 🦋 ✏️

This is your daily reminder that yoga is primarily a practice of cultivating mental and emotional flexibility.