S🌟tella

Mmmmkay😂😂😂

😂😂😂😂

True, Nutella king!!!

Sometimes does

-Paul: Come together
-Me:
-Paul: right now
-Me:
-Paul: over me
-Me: *runs away*

Wait. Are you calling le Grandma?

💗

True

Papa?

You deserve it all😊

Gaston!!!!!

I'll allow it. But only you.

😂😂😂

😊

Welcome to your 50s:
You lose your phone, so you look for your phone… to call your phone.

you will be visited by four ghosts on Christmas Eve: the Ghost of Christmas Past, the Ghost of Christmas Present, the Ghost of Christmas Future, and Patrick Swayze, who will assist you in pottery class

There once was a man from Genovi
Pizza, he liked, with anchovy
His blood pressure got high
as his belly got wide.
So the doctor put him on Wegovy.

Of all the butters, peanut is the worst lubricant

Creating a vibrating witch's broom for her pleasure.

Just dropped the first chocolate from the advent calendar on the floor, and trying to decide if this is portentous.

Wicked For Good was going fine until Jeff Goldblum called himself a corn-fed hick

ask your doctor if lying down in the forest to be consumed by the earth is right for you

guess I’d better go online shop at the office

She asked for “a warm, twinkling glow.” I’ve given her “nervous, intermittent strobe.”

The house doesn’t look merry; it looks like it’s having a panic attack.

Of course I have a toaster oven in the bathroom. How else am I gonna have bath nachos?

If you saw me licking yogurt lids, I wouldn’t be single.

If your doctor’s handwriting could sing, it’d sound exactly like Eddie Vedder.

I’m not wrong. I just haven’t found the right way to dig in my heels without throwing a full-blown tantrum yet

These damn kids are asking what's for dinner, as if we are going to just shirk the tradition of the pilgrims and not eat turkey sandwiches for the next 10 days

In desperation I called the Geek Squad and they suggested I try rebooting this Monday