Mason!! 🌻🏳️‍⚧️

i mean she drove like 3 hours round trip today and got a friend of hers to help drive her home. she did a lot for me and i should be grateful (and i am) but like. ugh. urghh. the voice in my head that says i should hate myself sounds like her. I modeled my negative mannerisms after her.

this also isnt saying my parents don't love me. my mom is letting me borrow her car. which is awesome. but it also came with so much ... lecturing? at the same time? i know she wants me to be safe and happy but its very suffocating. especially today.

so idk taking a step back and holding onto that. people love me and i am ok.

i am like. at the nobody likes me part of my spiral. i forgot i was supposed to cook dinner tonight and assumed my partner would be mad at me because i'd been interacting with my parents all day & they would be mad at me for that. and my partner wasn't mad it was fine.

i would love to stop being chewed up and tormented by whims of fate. but my car being broken is gonna be a multi-day thing.

>_< im sorry for the lack of art & stuff. i just haven't been having a good time. with life.

tow truck is here, omw home .. wehh

car broke down on the way to work today... wtf!!! on the side of the highway for the next hour... woohoo...

I WANT TO FEEL IT ALL / I WANT TO FEEL IT NOW

screenprinting project ,, for skool
didnt end up printing tn but ,, soon

my strange and nefarious sloshing

Join Cape Gloam's Membership Support Cape Gloam monthly

if u want to join my zine club and see wips of my writing and art u can do that here!!:
ko-fi.com/capegloam/ti...

i am turning this piece into a zine for March's zine clubbers! It will be mostly these words but i will be adding small illustrations in the margins and it will be riso-printed!

In Mind, a Changeling Cold medicine highness in my legs, my folds tucked aspirin under tongue, gelly glisten. Beckon my god, blue animal(s): My sky bubbling, warping wood, absorbing moisture clung onto dry clouds. Particulates in tender mouth, a sand a friction a dune that walks thirty blocks home & drunk after out of my body and into a probiotic lie woodchip colony; Whimper and splinter under his calloused thumbs. Recreational Nyquil. Recounting out of order: Two, five, one-three-four. Or somesuch. Turquoise-handed, I pretend I am not turquoise-handed. At risk for diabetes. Or sumesoch. Off-ness. awfulness. To be fae-fair and encumbered at work, at barely cash register, and still-swaying without song, joyous blue animal(s): “Let's take Ibuprofen together.” Generated Corporate Advertisement Inserted Into Webpage: You gave my phone a fever. “Let’s take Ibuprofen together!” and swallow enough for liver failure. Slip into puppy-minded saliva sleeping. Mischievous wrinkle, in perpendicular hatching, canvas material torn threadbare: Cornflower powder sent skyward by sinus pressure, immediate relief. Pretend I am blue animal(s): immediate relief. Blue intestinal food dye stain. Smooth muscle; anabolic bowel feeling, loose. lubricant. Diarrhea: A body that moves without me. An ecosystem of writhing bugs. My spirit vaccinated, she changes form, she plies a new persona; a cured body; a blue pill; blue animal(s); Changeling, a thing I don’t identify. Separate from the folds.

ok here is my current most-favorite poem draft, about medication, & Fursonas-as-medication:

🌀"In Mind, a Changeling"🌀

warmth

summer water

her ghost leaned down to kiss me with a message from the sun

i sort of .. need to share my poetry .. i sort offf... need people to get it. to get me.

i forgot . to mention. she would have a revolver.

my full furry poetry chapbook ... will be real...

recently wrote a poem & im daydreaming abt illustrating it ... cock out werewolf wearing silver bangles ... its fine art

The painting depicts a photo with the flash on of Dex, an anthro raccoon, in a classic arcade with a variety of cabinets around him. Caught in the act of almost biting a hotdog while looking surprised at the camera, he unintentionally knocks over a tray of french fries over a cabinet's counter. He wears a pair of jeans and a black shirt with the text "Eat. Game. Sleep." stamped on.

Commission for @punypunymouse.bsky.social !

mang. explodes into sadness glitter and viscera.

RAAAHHHHGHHH IM AT WORK I SHOULDNT BE VENT POSTING RAAAAHHGGHG

I stopped trying years ago and their divorce has made them both start contacting me a lot more and I really want to go back to not hearing from either of them every other day because that was a lot less heartbreaking. than this is.

like my dad is a math guy. He doesn't know how to make art. i don't know how to have a friendship with someone who doesn't make art. This is probably a flaw of mine, but i need that thoughtfulness for connection.

just pulling my hair out. how will i ever get what i want from them.

Maybe one day they will actually read my drafts but so far they have proven the exact thing I thought would happen.

All my most meaningful relationships, friendships, are founded in creativity, and unfortunately my parental bonds lack appreciation for it. And thats really all I want. from them.

Parent claims they care about me and are saddened I don't contact them.

I share my most special and beloved part of myself, my creativity, my poetry, with them.

they don't read it. they don't give it any time at all. They Reveal That They Actually Don't Care About The Part Of Me That I Love Most.

i did a big step and shared my poetry drafts with my parents (because they've been playing the low-contact guilt card "you never call!") and like. this is the microcosm:

sketchy comic thing. Marty and Charlie watch TV together on the couch. Charlie notices Marty's starlight in his chest is small, and says "You're doing a good job keeping your star quiet!". Marty stares for a beat, and says "Um, thanks... its not easy, so- um... so close to you-" Charlie comes up with a flirtatious prank while Marty stammers, and lifts up his shirt, which surprises Marty greatly. Theres a big blank space at the bottom cuz this scene isn't fully drawn yet sorries

comic sketch wip thing. I am practicing conversational flow. I want to do more dialogue between my characters in my sketches, i draw them static too much.

I wanted to draw marty getting flustered by charlie. he flusters easily and its cute and makes the star all spikey :3

cute!!!