Delaney Halfnerd

Happy hour is actually a really good invention imo

Honestly feeling so grateful for Sabrina carpenter 🙏♥️

eat that funky cliff bar white girl

Feeling crazy…might turn on all my read receipts

Being really brave today (on a long drive without a lil bevvy)

Yeah no everything works really great on the internet these days no notes

I’m not “flying by the seat of my pants” or “waiting til the last minute”

I’m “pivoting” and “staying agile”

Not having the app, not paying for prime, make it harder to use and then only use it when you actually need it and you’ll realize you probably don’t really need it

Hey you know you could also just boycott Amazon all the time by not buying stuff

Batten down the hatches, I just learned that canned espresso martinis exist

It’s okay it’s not for everyone but I’m doing lent this year so it feels right

Hot girl summer, richard scarry fall, Bacchanalian winter, ascetic spring

I’m giving up guilt and shame and unnecessary consumption for lent , can’t wait 🫶

“I really just need to buckle down and get some work done” I say as I put on a third outfit for the day

You can say anything you want to me… it doesn’t matter… I have a really cool jacket on

Thinkin bout John prine

Men love pretending they don’t understand the Colin Jost/scarlett Johansson thing

Hey man if you don’t want to be immortalized in a song just don’t form any kind of deep connection with me or share any formative experiences ok you’ve been warned

Sometimes I just get this very strange urge to listen to Beverly Hills by weezer I really wish I knew where that came from so I could purge it from my psyche with a lobotomy

the difference between how I dress for at home yoga vs how I dress for an in person class is actually shocking , even to me

Especially in the winter like the nesting instinct is STRONG

Lord give me strength to not compulsively rearrange my bedroom at 9pm on a Sunday 🙏

If you don't have anything nice to say about CDs don't say anything at all

Are you depressed or have you just not started your satin nightgown collection yet

It (they? What are ChatGPT’s pronouns) says “certain styles like unfiltered or naturally fermented (such as sour ales or certain craft beers) may contain beneficial bacteria. These bacteria can potentially act as probiotics” but most regular dad beer is pasteurized :/ I’m taking that as a “yes”

Asking chatgpt if beer has probiotics

Another day another mysterious bruise I have no recollection of

Can’t wait til the next time I get to wear a bunch of black eyeliner (tomorrow)

I already know about u

Yeahhhh it’s just not as streamlined and simple. It would be sick if it was as easy as posting text here, quick & direct just audio instead of text