Liesha C.

I've been putting off doing a deep clean because I've been very ill and because Bella is not well right now and being out of the cage for that long would stress her.
I am super duper bummed. I had all this cute stuff. I felt better easier in the morning now I feel like garbage

I'm really sad I had all this stuff set up for what was supposed to be the cage for Dolly to move into but Bella had a procedure so she had to be moved to that cage
And I wanted to decorate for valentines day I had so many cute things for the cage.

Ohhh what's the app name? I'm trying to cut back on spending and get an overview on spending

My husband: how much did you spend on that horse

Me: the DOW is over 50,000

Hwo does it know what you're spending

I still think about it all. But most of the time I try to forget. The cruel people outweigh the good in horses

Like you buried my dreams even after you promised to help.
I've had so much bad happen recently. It's brought up all my missed dreams. And how I guess I don't actually have friends in the industry that want to help

Like I feel like my life is over and my dreams I had are now over because the horse people are stingy. Like I actually... Like everyone is like this but it's personal when you've bent over backwards.

Like because no one ever had my back

Like I'm about to unfriend my last trainer cause what the fuck

I worked so hard to never be given opportunities or tools.

Never work hard just learn how to ego boost, appease, and take abuse. That's how you get ahead.

Good work is not rewarded.

And it's like I don't have any friends and let me tell you aside from one person everyone I ever worked for was a scammer in that that advertised one thing or promised it and never came to fruition

I feel like an outsider to horses now and it makes me want to die because I miss riding horses and my heart was broken over my horse and I never... I never got a chance to get back into horses.

Like why would I ever even get back into the sport? Like it's become so much worse since I was working and showing.

Hot take it literally doesn't matter so much how you ride anymore everything has been placed on the horse just going when you point at a jump. Like ppl are just passengers not active participants.

Definitely. Even if you don't hook it up you wanna plan for later because it's harder to add in stuff later.

It is dark out

Can never have too many scissors

Very few losses have felt better. And no therapy in the world reaches it. I accept it. I cannot escape it. I can only visit living and hope for signs, naively, that there's an after, and that they're still partially with us. I don't move on I walk forward but I leave myself in that place.

My Christmas eve was the worst to date. The only thing propelling me. Is my pigs I have left. This took a chunk of me for a lot of reasons. I don't think I search to make meaning of death. I just stay there. Always reliving it. I stay in that place where life encounters it.

Oooo get some sealent it'll keep it pristine 🤩

Someone asked about that barn I flat out told them they don't do fans.

But I'll bet you there's something if not more equally dangerous they do. Because there always is. Rules and procedures are rarely based in facts or science but only in vibes and experience.

they're in the barn which sure you could have a problem within a minute but how many barns across America use them and how many big show barns and you rarely hear about it unless it is their error.

Anyways ppl think their behaviour won't come back to bite them but it does.

AND HAVE A MILLION BATHS A DAY.... like the heat this past summer I wonder what they did that would be inhumane. She said something about a fan causing a fire at another barn. First they don't make fans like they used to and second they make enclosed types third most ppl just have them on when

(they Def just didn't want us there) and the other lady who did basically the same I said I wanted it and she said oh it's filled. I asked too many questions I think and also asked if it would be okay to have a fan up in the smaller barn as they DIDN'T ALLOW FANS IN THE BIG BARN

resulted in her going to a barn I didn't want to take her to and knew she would pass there. Also ppl who ever like fucked around with board like the one lady who told me the stall was taken when my parents were about to hand her the check and we already told her we wanted the stall

to ghost someone after you POSTED for an empty stall.
Anyways just remember when you're an ass for no reason... And if you think I wouldn't bring it up if they contacted me... Oh you bet I would. I see this person periodically and ohhhh I'm still mad. I'm mad at everyone that

there. If you wanna tell me hey the stall has actually been filled. And even if she was a special case me being there would've benefitted you. Because I'd often call ppl when their horses were sick. And I would've been someone you could rely on if you needed help and I am pretty expirience.

There's someone in my area still looking for help for their barn and I won't even talk to them on principle that they ghosted me twice about coming to check out their farm for my horse when they were selling the barn she was in and I was in desparate need. I also knew someone well who had boarded