"when you don't have a man you should have a sourdough starter"

when you read a fanfic so bad it inspires you to rage-write a better one

a close-up photo of a white dog, named Dave, staring into the camera with his mouth slightly open. there reveals approximately five teeth shining brightly.

our final photo of Dave who is no longer looking into the camera, but is now happily leaning his head back with his eyes closed.

another close-up photo of Dave staring into the camera, but this time his tongue is covering his prized pearly whites.

This is Dave. He has a smile that could light up a room. Only smiling with his bottom teeth right now so he doesn't blind you. 13/10 very considerate #SeniorPupSaturday (FB: jeffreybergstedt)

"I've never smelled a man's vagina so I'll take your word for it"

had a dream that I was cuddling with a hot HOT man. woke up disappointed.

I want my pj's

10pm has never felt more like 2am than it does tonight

I wanna go mushroom hunting 😫

stood up too fast and gave myself a headache. the human body is a marvel

he's just the most perfect little beast there ever was 😭💕

Disney/ABC have a responsibility to refuse to participate in corruption.

Kimmel must be reinstated. If Disney/ABC agree to this extortion then perhaps creatives + workers should consider collective action to push back. Same w/buying park + cruise tickets if they bow.

People have power. Ask Target

About once a month I find this song stuck in my head and I wish this was a real band.

why the FUCK would I wanna stay late at the office to participate in an unpaid "game night" istg corporate is so out of touch

a young boy in a white shirt is holding a cross ALT: a young boy in a white shirt is holding a cross

"bad sex is better than no sex—"

BACK!! BACK TO THE FIERY PIT FROM WHENCE YOU CAME!!

sometimes I see a video of someone explaining song lyrics and it really makes me wonder if reading/listening comprehension is truly dead

corporate: we only made a 75% profit when we wanted to make 76% :( so no raises or bonuses this year oh and also we're changing our hybrid work policy so you have to come into the shitty office even more now yayyyyy!!

me (and probably everyone else): 👁👄👁 *updates linkedin status to seeking work*

a woman is making a funny face and making a funny face with her hands . ALT: a woman is making a funny face and making a funny face with her hands .

I'm pissed off about everything today, but especially about the fact that a man is being given credit for all the work I do

I get irrationally angry when people say "5am in the morning" or "11pm at night" just PICK ONE

I don't even remember the context for it but this is the best thing I've ever made

"you seem despondent"
"do you even know what despondent means?"
"full of despacito"

"whatever you're cooking smells really good!"

the cooking:

🕯️
🕯️ 🕯️
🕯️ 🕯️
anything
🕯️ good 🕯️
at all
🕯️ 🕯️
🕯️ 🕯️
🕯️

I need a house cow.. 🐮🥹
#bluesky #cow

"don't post that, I look schizophrenic"

I wanna live in South Korea again so bad 😩😭

a cartoon character is sitting on a wooden barrel holding a pie . ALT: a cartoon character is sitting on a wooden barrel holding a pie .

my emotional support animal when he has to emotionally support me:

no. the answer is no.

rough sketches showing various poses of a wyrm and maiden. Inspired by the "Bride of the Lindworm" fairytale

would you still love me if I was a wyrm 🐉