Michael Beck

Bob and Carol and Ted and Kermit

Opinion | What if the Valedictorians in America’s Schools Were the Cool Kids?

Sweet Jesus what are we even doing here

Opinion | It’s Time for America to Admit That It Has a Marijuana Problem

What a bunch of nerds

Ack! I didn’t even make that connection until now. But I bet that explains a lot of my error

One of my favorite writers!

A ton of overlap between jury duty and riding the bus

NOEL COWARD! What are we even doing here if it’s not Noel Coward?

Obviously, I do not know how to put the diaeresis over the “e” in Noel Coward.

I made the mistake of scheduling myself up through Xmas Eve and ended up meeting with a student on 12/24 who during our meeting got the message telling him he’d been academically dismissed. So…I’ll be scheduling myself differently next year.

Oh how I envy you terribly right now. I’ve spent half the evening crying because I have to go back tomorrow!

Kubrick’s best film (laudatory)

I am supposed to be a 'words' guy, yet I find that I lack the words to fully express the sense of rage and betrayal that I feel, having been raised to believe in the beauty of the United States as an - imperfect - pluralistic republic, to see these quislings try to turn it into a boring ethnostate.

you there boy, what bullshit is this

very weird feeling watching a seemingly coked out president yell at you for 20 minutes straight

“I don’t need this course” motherfucker you take your laundry home for your mom to do it. Shut the fuck up.

wish i could be cool and mysterious but unfortunately i can't shut the fuck up

Really important to stress that the Crown Jewels of the US higher education system were never the Ivies or elite SLACs (other countries have equivalents of these) but the well-funded, large, cheap, and excellently staffed public state university systems bringing high quality education to the masses.

I think any story about Trump's autocracy should be mostly about the people and institutions who failed to stop it. This guy isn't a political genius, everything else just happens to be rotten. 'Toddler Consolidates Power In Household' is a story about incompetent parents, not shrewd maneuvering

I am never more in my element than when talking about something absolutely nobody cares about.

You never heard of this fucking guy six weeks ago. Six weeks! Just get another Guy!!

Look around. There's a Guy. Over there, another Guy. Now turn around...Guys. What do you think is around that corner? You guessed it: More Guys.

“I’m strong and I want to have like fifty kids and a farm” of course you do. You’re twelve. “I don’t want to eat vegetables I think steak and French fries is the only meal” hell yeah homie you’re twelve. “Maybe if there’s crime we should just send the army” bless your heart my twelve year old buddy

[at my second rodeo] listen up you ignorant sack of shit

Supermajority in the VA House maybe but the entire VA Senate won’t be up for election until 2027

we are in the Age of Enlightenment but for absolute dimwits

A grim reminder: these people will never be satisfied. There’s no point at which they will say “we’ve won, let’s enjoy life.” They will always be looking for someone else to punish, to revile, to dehumanize. They’re empty without that.

i would prefer to not live in uppercase H History

It's simple: we monetize crying

I don’t know why the scientists keep making them!