Michael Beck

“I’m strong and I want to have like fifty kids and a farm” of course you do. You’re twelve. “I don’t want to eat vegetables I think steak and French fries is the only meal” hell yeah homie you’re twelve. “Maybe if there’s crime we should just send the army” bless your heart my twelve year old buddy

[at my second rodeo] listen up you ignorant sack of shit

Supermajority in the VA House maybe but the entire VA Senate won’t be up for election until 2027

we are in the Age of Enlightenment but for absolute dimwits

A grim reminder: these people will never be satisfied. There’s no point at which they will say “we’ve won, let’s enjoy life.” They will always be looking for someone else to punish, to revile, to dehumanize. They’re empty without that.

i would prefer to not live in uppercase H History

It's simple: we monetize crying

I don’t know why the scientists keep making them!

Melania Trump has a warning for humanity: “the robots are here”

Robots are everywhere, and they eat old people’s medicine for fuel.

making college free as a means to harness educational polarization

*Egbert being our favorite resident on Animal Crossing

Trump take Egbert

It’s way down the list of Actual
Concerns I Have About America, but I do hate the Kremlinology we engage in about our leaders now. I wish that journalism wasn’t so broken.

I hate being middle aged so much!

The mental health benefits of not knowing any history right now must be massive. Moving through your day with total equanimity. What happens next? Who knows? Maybe something good

What a burden to be old enough to know who Dean Cain is

Ed, you’re a goddamned National treasure.

ME, TENTING FINGERS ACROSS TBE TABLE: I am going to build a “Cracker Barrel of the mind”

MARC ANDREESSEN: Here is $50,000,000,000

“I gave my life to Christ in the Cracker Barrel parking lot!”

“The poor, they’re always with us, with their lackluster LinkedIns”

It is also your homestead until we’re both overrun by all of these colossal corn plants

Homesteading proceeds as expected

[writing the constitution]

Benjamin Franklin: Write down "no dumb fucks as president"

Alexander Hamilton: Stop saying that

Benjamin Franklin: I'm tellin' you. You're gonna regret not writing that down

whether this would work i don’t know but what’s more important is that it would make me personally feel good

the thing everyone is going to have to accept is that the post-trump period, whenever it comes, will not and cannot be a project of national unity, it must be a project of partisan project of renewal, in the same way that reconstruction and the new deal were partisan projects of renewal.

Now is the time of dipshits

The old world is dying, and the new world is so fucking stupid dude

As end-of-empire scenarios go it is so much more dignified to get your capital city sacked by the Visigoths than to have a bunch of illiterate rich people in their 70s doing it through a series of incomprehensible tantrums because their brains were defeated by their phones.

“Thumbless grasp of history” is a beautiful turn of phrase