Dave

I don’t really understand why my trauma causes the worst coping mechanisms, you’d think you’d be better as a person after understanding the trauma but it sucks you in..

Maybe it’s my fault that I become so lonely and no one likes to talk to me, I’m not sure how to fix it though :/

I wish i didn’t keep making bad decisions for myself 😭 idk why i cant help it though

I wish i had some friends to talk to, but everyones usually asleep so im stuck alone 😭

Was in the subway and this older lady kept pressing herself into me 😖, she probably felt me through my sweats at the time and decided to keep pushing-

Goodnight everyone, im so sleepy :>

Also is it just my friends at school or does a lot of people love my tan skin tone? Like not fully dark but more brown, and I’m over here thinking it looked bad but my friends made me feel okay about myself :>

Anyone else cuddle their pillow to fall asleep or is it just me? I wonder other peoples routine to fall asleep cause mine takes forever to make me sleep-

I hope i dont stay up too late doing stuff cause i wanna be able to wake up early.. but its so hard to sleep :<

First day of class went pretty good, nothing much is different from last year and I assume everything will hopefully go without troubles :>

Hate feeling the want to dm people, obviously I can’t for certain reasons but I can only wish :/

As tempting as it may be to dm people I think its best to keep to myself, for certain reasons yknow. Only if I was old enough then I could interact with ppl but until then I can only watch what others have to say 😭

Not only that but if I do interact with others about the topic I have really bad restraints and would end up causing trouble by some stupid things I could say, I wish I knew how to distract myself from the urges and had more therapy on my sexual trauma.

Persistent as it is I do feel at times where it doesn’t ruin my life and I don’t have to take time to deal with it. It feels nice being productive but sometimes I have to stay in bed until I’m drained of everything to be able to focus on things of importance.

Being a younger person and not able to access certain content, makes me wonder if over time will these issues eventually fix themselves. As I can’t really interact with anyone and can only read how others deal with their issues, will i just end up being the same?

I think another issue is just hyper sexuality and dealing with it in general. I try to get better at dealing with it by using distractions but I’m also easily influenced. Not to say it’s an excuse, and maybe I’m not trying hard enough but progress can be slow.

Another thing is how my space just wasn’t respected, being groped and being sexualized kinda ruined me. I think I’m doin better now with therapy but these sick thoughts are always in the back of my head.

I don’t really understand why my trauma causes the worst coping mechanisms, you’d think you’d be better as a person after understanding the trauma but it sucks you in..