Jon

“I will not support drinking at this party because I am underage.” - freshman talking to the cops breaking up the kegger at his house thrown by his cousins while he was organizing his stamp collection

I keep forgetting at the first day of Senate Camp they all do trust falls and get brain damage.

Not liking the apparent Democratic leadership’s strategy of “well, dead people can’t vote against me”.

I don’t know if this is due to Marvel fatigue, but the only superhero costume we saw tonight was Batman, whose most recent credit was not showing up in “The Penguin” a year ago.

RFK Jr. doesn’t want you to know this, but the correct post-covid-booster recovery sequence is purple then orange then blue gatorade.

1970s:

Boomer 1: “Let’s refer to the kids today as Generation X.”

Boomer 2: “OK. But shouldn’t we start with an earlier letter? They might run out of things in a few generations.”

Boomer 1: “I don’t foresee that being a problem. Now, time to not leave positions of power for the next 50+ years.”

“Ugh. I can’t be sexist. I can’t be racist. I can’t be classist. I can’t be ableist. I can’t be anything-phobic. I’m running out of ways to explain to you that I’m inherently superior and more important than you and it’s NOT FAIR TO ME! UGH!”

New York Times article: How The Times Covers Crowds: Focusing on the Content, Not the Count When reporting from protests, campaign events or other gatherings, we want to bring readers into the action on the ground.

“Yeah, 7 million, yada yada, but what you don’t understand is that number includes some protest signs that were grammatically incorrect.”

(i. Fuck Everyone and Run) We are the new Kings Sailing our seas of diamonds and gold We are the new Kings Seldom seen, elsewhere and unknown We are the new Kings Buying up London from Monaco We do as we please While you do as you're told Fuck everyone and run Fuck everyone and run Tony, not Anthony ...suitably masked Nassau Bahamas, Geneva, Luxembourg ...no questions asked Our world orbits yours and enjoys the view From this height we don't see the slums and the bums on the street Or the mums on the game Fuck everyone and run Fuck everyone and run We're too big to fall We're too big to fail

And when we do... It's down to you We're too big to fall We're too big to fail Too big (ii. Russia's Locked Doors) We are the new Kings We had the keys to Old Russia's locked doors We are the new Kings Here on the corporation's top floor If you cross us we'll buy you and you can retire Your children set up for life Think about it... Greed is good.. We are the new Kings We sold your council houses, not to you, but the banks Up in the stratosphere - wielding the knife While you said thanks Oceans of money high in the clouds But if you hang around More often than not, it'll trickle down...

While the diggers of the diamonds we wear, labour underground for dear life On your knees, peasant, and kiss this ring You're working for the new king We are the new kings I'll tell you a tale We're too big to fall We're too big to fail (iii. A Scary Sky) We saw the crash on the news today ...oh boy It changed our lives But did it really happen? Flyin' high in a scary sky Flyin' high in a scary sky What's going on? What's going on? What's going on? I don't know if I can believe the news I don't know if I can believe the news They can do anything these days They can do anything with computers these days

(iv. Why is Nothing Ever True?) Remember a time when you thought that you mattered, Believed in the school song, die for your country - a country that cared for you All in it together? If it ever was more than a lie or some naive romantic notion Well, it's all shattered now It's all shattered now Why is nothing ever true? Why is nothing ever true? Why is nothing ever true? Well, do you remember a time when you thought you belonged to something more than you? A country that cared for you A national anthem you could sing without feeling used or ashamed You poor sods have only yourselves to blame On your knees, peasant You're living for the New King You're living for the New King You're living for the New King.

Marillion - “The New Kings” (2016)

Looks like we’re transitioning from “we can’t report that Trump is lying because we can’t technically prove his intent is to deceive” to “we can’t report that Trump is lying because it’s not technically deception if he’s non compos mentis.”

I’LL DO IT WHEN I WANT TO DO IT GEEZ

My eye doctor’s office has texted me 5 times in the last 4 days about scheduling my annual exam in December. So I’m glad to learn that my mom has fully evolved into an administrative chatbot.

If Kimmel gets raptured during his monologue tomorrow…

I forgot what that movie was about

Horse Whisperer

My version of the kids’ 1-marshmallow-now-or-5-marshmallows-later test is when the bowls and napkins are over there but the giant tub of cheeseballs is right here.

All instructions for lawn care best practices start with either “do this 4 months from now” or “you should’ve done this 6 weeks ago”.

Watching “Alien” and “Aliens” for the first time in like 30 years, which really brings me back to the heyday of cathode-ray tubes.

The supervillain origin story for AI was the “I’m Feeling Lucky” button getting ignored one too many times.

Little Miss Chatterbox by Roger Hargreaves book cover, with title replaced with MS NOW logo

He’s coming to town

Michael Crawford in “Condorman”

Black lab with mouth open and tongue out looking at camera, nervous to be at the vet but not letting it show. I’m in the background, osmosis-ing the dog’s anxiety.

Kris’ nervous face is also his cute face. Emotions are hard.

The best birthday present for the cat: taking the dog to the vet.

Firing the guy who said the employment numbers are bad is not a great way to improve the employment numbers.

Well obviously Colbert now needs to reboot Mister Rogers’

Picturing Colbert with a Letterman beard

Must be Friday because I’m mentally preparing jokes to tell my therapist 👍

Broken floss dispenser, being dangled by a thread of floss

My current floss dispenser is somehow broken so that the spool does not advance without taking the thing apart, in case the wikipedia page for “2025” needs a cover photo.

Kris says “where’s my chicken? i smell chicken”