I feel ungrateful because I’m not happy here, but it’s like taking a toll living in a mess and people don’t even care. Sibling has a cyst and their fucking gf can’t even update me, finding this out through my mom. I genuinely can’t control my anger and don’t know what to do with it anymore

I genuinely don’t feel like myself, started smoking again and I feel like I’m genuinely going to pop. Moving out of my parents place was great but my roommates and siblings girlfriend genuinely disgust me for their lack of care and inability to fucking be hygienic.

Just been shaking and having withdrawals since it’s going to be a year off my meds in March? Been buggin the local therapy clinic but haven’t had a call back, so again pardons if I’m just a bitter hateful person atm.

Started smoking again and it feels like a loss. IR stuff is getting extremely bad and I don’t have an outlet to express my emotions in a positive way. Living on a couch and never alone. Kinda rough start to 2026, but it’s just February.

i keep watching this video its fucking hypnotic

I want to work on more cybersecurity studying but by the time I finish cooking and cleaning just exhausted.

The people I live with genuinely suck because they don’t clean or have the brain capacity to genuinely think anything else but card games and gaming. I’m working 8 hour shifts and coming home to cleaning, so I’m not in a great mood or wanting to draw.

QA testers

Misc doodles from work…

“Why are you scrolling through the tags?” Simple, I want to read or hear people’s experiences with it. Know how they cope through it, what their life is like and if they had a similar upbringing as mine.

Just say you’re into gore or something, please do not bring BPD up unless you want to talk seriously about it. Also BPD is more than suicidal ideation, it’s self loathing, abandonment issues, paranoia and so much more. It’s not a quirky label for people who like guro and think they’re a yandere.

BPD along with my ADHD is a horrible combination which significantly affects my mental health and daily life. I’m getting so tired of seeing posts (usually from teens or chronically online people) glorify the suicidal ideation of BPD. I’ve tried ending my life twice both ending me in the hospital

Closing my eyes and smiling bc Instagram and TikTok (which I barely use anymore) keeps recommending me the most foul and embarrassing BPD tags I’ve ever had the dishonor to read. (BIG RANT)

Y2K: Vid is a part of delinquent group called Incubus. They are intel collectors who use cybernetic prosthetic tails to inject nanobots into people’s braincells to look through memories. (1/?)

Bf and I last night talked about how our sonas would meet in our respective main universes. And I love these two doodles of mine’s first interaction in his Y2K story.

I get videos of the speed rails in China/Japan and become envious because I’d love to take a highspeed bullet train to see my silly guy. But I’m stuck with driving or taking a plane…stupid baka United States and its stupid Baka car dependency

Yearning for my stupid jester boyfriend so I can take him to the park and look at the overcast sky while eating a banana split sundae from Brusters.

Mom jumpscare

Didn’t feel like posting this on main as it was a warmup I did while getting my ass kicked by the flu. Took creative liberties with my silly spiral knight by making her a huge brutish lady.

Ughhhh I feel myself melting into oblivion. The Ai situation, every social media, and then art….

Wanna just say that my art journey is pretty dead. Wasn’t one for the limelight or big following. Real life baggage and how internet culture is has made me not interested in pushing myself because I feel like my work isn’t really even remarkable. The designs are my highlight but there’s no story.

Trying to get motivation for bombshell or stories in general but I think my spark is slowly giving out. Finding no love or want to work on things anymore.

Idk fighting the inner most version of myself. This feeling is new and it’s not what I’m used to so it constantly feels like I’m failing every little thing I do.

Sometimes I miss San Antonio, especially driving around at night and listening to the graduation album. Yearning for comfort in something I knew. Atlanta is so big and I don’t have my car or belongings and feel so weird in this transitional period.

Mental health has slowly getting better, though I’m still recovering from major depression. I’m learning to enjoy small victories like going on walks, or finishing chores.

I’ve been really enjoying walking and seeing various colors of fauna. Usually where I lived it turned muddy shades of grayish brown but here it’s so lovely with the different trees, ferns, and foliage…Couldn’t capture it in these photos but it’s still beautiful.

Now that I’m out of Texas I can finally get therapy and not evil therapy where evangelicals gaslight me into becoming a trad wife.

Amaranth Code Sketches from October and November

I’ll finish drawings soon I just feel like a mess. I’m not one to be a quitter but today just ruined me.