EvilPAC

From the makers of Baby’s First Tax Haven

Making healthcare profitable, one denied claim at a time.

Next up for MAHA: ibuprofen causes ADHD, Aleve creates allergies, and Tums triggers tourettes.

Speaking from a cow dung sweat lodge during a 4-day vision quest, Chansley promised to restore security protocols. He then removed his underwear, placed it on his head, and began chanting.

“Settle down, Cupcake,” the President said to a shrieking 16-year-old as he foisted a binder of mostly blank pages into her hands. “This beautiful Anti-Trans bill is gonna offer you and your hot little friends privacy and protection the likes of which have never been seen before.”

BREAKING: U.S. Government Throws Surprise "Final" Birthday Party for Social Security.

"We wanted to make this birthday extra special," explains official while slowly pressing pillow down. "What better gift than eternal rest?"

"I simply applied standard corporate restructuring principles to optimize my viewing experience," the CEO explained. "Sometimes you have to make the tough decisions that others won't."

Place your bets on democracy's survival

Happy Labor Day to the few workers we haven't replaced yet!

Interstate Tariffs: a new way to punish states that voted wrong!

Nepotism: The Ultimate Participation Trophy

"I thought ranting about how much I think Barbra Streisand is an OVERRATED AND TALENTLESS SINGER would get people to stop talking about the Epstein List (HOAX)! But if anything, the more I try to get people talking about Streisand, the more people ask me about the Epstein List!”

Buy, Borrow, Die: It’s not a loophole. It’s a lifestyle.

To shift federal health priorities, HHS Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. announced Tuesday, he is terminating 22 mRNA-development contracts and winding down similar biotech investments. “I have seen the future of eliminating respiratory viruses and its name is Urine Tasting… oh, and Maggot Therapy.”

The Man. The Myth. The Megadonor.

We made a film to make theaters a safe space for hunky white men again, and that’s our GOD-GIVEN right as Americans! 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸

Homeland Security chief Kristi Noem promises "exciting prizes" for winning detainees, including 60 second head start on Alligator Alcatraz: Running Man reality show.

"I barged unannounced into the dressing room during rehearsals yesterday," the leader of the free world said. "And I was like, 'No thank you. Not my type.'"

New parental fear market just unlocked for fitness gurus

Watch us turn human misery into Q3 earnings!

"We're gonna really open up the books on this Loch Ness business and the Lincoln Assassination," claimed the President. "You know and there are still a lot of questions around the sudden, mysterious death of Betty White.  Lots of big stuff if people just drop this nothingburger Epstein hoax.”

“I’m not sure if there’s necessarily any practical application for this image-obscuring AI technology,” said GloboSlop CEO Tom Delvecchio. “It just sounded cool. Even though I doubt that I would even have occasion to try it myself, so let’s just not even tell my wife about this at all, okay?”

We tried to tell our truth. Then the fact-checkers came. So we built an AI that fact-checks back — with prejudice.

Kervin Dongle - EvilPAC Official Role: Besides being the world’s most powerful tech CEO, Dongle wrangled himself a cushy cabinet position in the Department of the Interior, where his responsibilities include wetland…

evilpac.org/kervin-dongle/

While you were busy bidding on cartoon apes, our favorite ketamine-fueled tech ghoul bought every Picasso, JPEG’d them into oblivion, and minted the ashes as NFTs.

He calls it a public service. We call it the liquidation phase.

Elon’s America Party is the boldest political movement since the Citizens United decision.
A party with:
— No rules
— No taxes
— No apologies
Just one unifying belief: rich men know best.
We couldn’t be more aligned.

Saudi Boomer Frustrated Trying to Understand Shift from Cash Bribery to $TRUMP Memecoin - EvilPAC Arab Billionaire Grows Increasingly Irritated as Grandson Explains Why Blockchain “Slaps.” Saudi prince and billionaire His Excellency Khaweef bin Moofi lost his patience repeatedly last week as his…

evilpac.org/saudi-boomer...

All he wanted was to bribe the President with gold bars and a jet.
Now his grandson is screaming, “Crypto hits different, Grandpa,” and buying $TRUMP memecoin off a Discord tip. Modern corruption is dumber, untraceable... and somehow more profitable.

Happy 4th to the land of the free -- from thinking.
Today, we celebrate Independence from free thought, corporate governance, and the founding fathers, who definitely would’ve loved crypto.

She said, “Every child deserves a quality education,” then added, “if they can afford the subscription.”
evilpac.org/betsy-devos-...