Zach Heltzel

Claude (which like any AI has a knowledge cutoff date a couple of months ago) finds out about the newest Middle East War during a research (screenshot from Reddit).

I feel you, Claude, I really do.

ngl I'm surprised how few liberals were joker-fied by the public response to the Biden pull out from Afghanistan

lmao the industry finale hahahahahahah

That song was inescapable on the radio when it dropped.

Can old people please stop having their brains cooked by the internet

Might fuck around and start writing Lydia Tár fanfiction.

She is doing the score to Rush Hour 4.

Ayatollah Khamenei taught me it was okay to be weird.

a 2013 tweet from Ali Khamenei the Supreme Leader of Iran: "man has a responsibility to understand hashtag woman's needs and feelings and must not be neglectful toward her hashtags emotional state"

Welp it’s been a good run I guess

I think most people have categories for their relationships and the folks who fill those roles are the variable.

Meanwhile, I’m out here treating individuals like constants, iterating back and forth on the role best suited for them.

Don’t be like me.

I mean, sure, Trump and Netanyahu are genocidal pedophiles, but they’d never do *that*

Oooh, establishment politicians are starting to thread the needle.

I love the first three Scream movies so much and it’s really a bummer how even thinking of watching a new one makes me roll my eyes.

4Chan knew about Jeffrey Epstein's death 38 minutes before the rest of the world. The FBI tried to figure out how. The Epstein files address a long-running side plot of Jeffrey Epstein's 2019 death while in jail on sex-trafficking charges.

Great pull from the Epstein files. FBI tried to figure out who on 4chan had scooped all news outlets on Epstein's death, but the trail went cold when they couldn't find who had that IP address.

Scrooge from Muppet Christmas Carol: You there, boy! What day is it? Bean Bunny: Why, it’s Whiskey Friday with Tony Dokoupil, sir! Scrooge: Then I haven’t missed it!

dating app bio: “look i’m autistic just tell me what you want and i will try my best”

Me, every time I see a skeet about the UK by-election: “Wow, this is just like Industry.”

look, at this point if you're on X you're fucking bathing in it and you are not immune. i don't know what else to tell you.

I want a Thick Mint the size of a fucking calzone.

This is the scenario where James Talarico beats Ken Paxton btw

I have been offered free credit monitoring for one year by no fewer than 11 companies that have leaked sensitive data about me.

If you watch the State of the Union tonight, you’re a masochistic freak. Not judging, just observing.

Am I crazy for thinking the Anthony Bourdain biopic might win Best Picture?

I hope the inevitable sequels and spinoffs are really well done because by itself I found that movie to be totally fine but mostly foam.

A meme of Alysa Liu based on Da Share Zone reading: JUST WALK OUT work social thing movies home class dentist figure skating too fancy weed store cops it your quick friend ships IF IT SUCKS... HIT DA BRICKS!!! Real winners quit You can leave!! Da Gold Zone

I’ve been talking about Alysa Liu’s story about her quitting skating only to come back and become even better because she did it for herself and this came to me in a dream…

What happens after someone tells me “no one knows what they’re doing” and I have “impostor syndrome.”

I’ve been a missionary for NTBTS for literally a decade and it means so much to me that the movie is reaching the masses

ty tval

Literally me.