Zach Heltzel

Figurines of Brady Bunch and Partridge Family fighting each other

I have created a diorama of the Partridge family attacking the Brady Bunch family. My life is very boring.

Donald Trump received a 17-minute standing ovation at the Cannes Film Festival.

I can easily get my life together I just need to make 40 or 50 lists first

Cool. Love that for us. A record breaking heatwave and $7 gas. Can’t stay home, can’t go anywhere. 🤡

Jane Schoenbrun

PUT THE PRONOUNS IN THE BAG

lmao they’re bringing back Havana Syndrome lol hell yeah

If I were a billionaire, I would make a movie about the Riyadh Comedy Festival and pay whatever it took to get as many of the performers as possible to play themselves, re-enacting their own pathetic cowardice.

How will this affect the Riyadh comedy scene

If Search Party had aired on HBO from the beginning, it would have been a culture-changing show.

“a palpable capacity for deviance she graciously leaves dormant”

Might have something to do with how obviously unjustifiable it is. A self-sustaining feedback loop of idiocy and evil.

I feel like it would just take one Pokémon looking at Pikachu and asking “why doesn’t he need to live in the ball?” to lead to some fuckin changes in that society

The obvious wisdom and effectiveness of Housing First is obscured by the fact we've made "a tiny, no-frills apartment" an expensive status symbol in huge swathes of the country by creating an artificial housing shortage

People love to go out of their way to tell me that they don’t think I’m attractive. Like, this happens to me like once every two months. Is that a normal thing to occur?

"I feel liberated," said a top banker. "We can say 'retard' and 'pussy' withtout the fear of getting cancelled... its a new dawn"

We should never ever forget why they did it

Once someone you love starts talking to you like they’re HR, you basically never want to put yourself in that position ever again.

The Chevron by me off Sunset went from $4.69 to $5.59 since we attacked Iran and I imagine it’s going to get a lot worse.

Somebody call Kristen Bell and Adam Brody because NOBODY WANTS THIS

What a lot of people call “clarity” is actually revisionist history.

Wow

It's probably the opposite: The CIA boosted rock music in the 1950s to stop kids from listening to jazz

It's too bad i'm not important enough for Isaac Chotiner to interview because i'm pretty confident I'd be the first person to come out of it looking pretty good

A Love for Films

At this point I have no idea how anyone perceives me and I don’t think it is socially appropriate to ask.

We've renamed the DOD the Department of War. Our troops are Warfighters. No of course we're not "at war" you dumb lib

God, he’s like the Matt Damon puppet from Team America.

Serious question: has every rich person been kicked in the head by a fucking horse?

She's like an old samurai whose great battles are behind her but every once in a while she kills a man with piece of paper just to prove a point

Claude (which like any AI has a knowledge cutoff date a couple of months ago) finds out about the newest Middle East War during a research (screenshot from Reddit).

I feel you, Claude, I really do.