Old Turty Bastard

you’re 12 years old. ask jeeves just hit the market. and you can search for one thing.

First EOTO post on Instagram in 5 years last night 👀

I asked what genre we thought he was watching and so far the consensus is that it was probably gaping 😳🕳️

Some news dropped in the FF group chat and my girlfriend has asked me what I’m laughing at 3 times in the last 5 minutes 😂🏈

I’m sitting at 99% chance to win in fantasy football this week against one of my longest friends, I only need one point in the game tonight, but I feel it in my gut that Stefon Diggs is going to shit the bed and fuck me 😔☝🏼

Odds are good that I’m in bed and asleep by 7:30 tonight 🥱

Ok, so it seems I was very wrong about the redemption arc 😳

Wait, are you supposed to? I don’t know shit about matcha tbh

@bobbby.online I still have my last MTA card in my wallet 🚇

If I’m being totally honest, I said yes bc thought I was getting offered that mate tea you drink with the fancy filter straws 😅

a man in a suit and tie is holding his hand to his chest . ALT: a man in a suit and tie is holding his hand to his chest .

I snuck outside and dumped it in the snow

Got peer pressured into trying someone’s local matcha at the acupuncture place. I don’t think I’ve ever had matcha before. It makes me think I’m drinking water from a dirty aquarium that’s been heated up

But what if the rumors also include Ball Arena for Halloween? 🤔

Wahoowa! 🥹🥹🥹

His pronunciation is driving me nuts

Dense

Let’s fucking go 🐴

I hate the 5280 Nuggets jerseys, but I feel like the 5280 on the Broncos’ helmets are dope

Need RJ Harvey to go off and I like that start 💪🏼

👀

a man in a suit and tie is talking about poetry , beauty , romance , and love . ALT: a man in a suit and tie is talking about poetry , beauty , romance , and love .

Me when I’m crafting #romance in other people’s DMs

a man wearing a green hat and plaid shirt says " soak that up " ALT: a man wearing a green hat and plaid shirt says " soak that up "

💦

Dm her: “Hi! Ever since you chaired me my ig has been trying to suggest I follow you! I just saw you at the bar and was going to come buy you a drink and tell you I’ve been flossing!!! Anyways, thought I’d just go ahead and smash that follow button (I have been flossing btw)”

Guarantee soaked bro

You best believe I’m flexing directly in the haters’ faces with my slipper socks on 🧦

Eating pot roast rn and the haters are already furious that I’ll be going back for thirds by the end of the night 😤

a ram with large horns is standing in the grass ALT: a ram with large horns is standing in the grass

I’m very excited that my girlfriend made a curling team with my roommate’s gf and a couple other friends this year. Their team name is Big Horn Sweep 🐏🥌

👩‍🎨🖼️

#sippin , watching football, and waiting for the crockpot 🧘🏼‍♀️

Look how cute we are 🥰

The lols keep coming in this thread 🤭