Alex Schatz

A virtual certificate with text "Celebrating 10M users on Bluesky, #74.196, Alex Schatz ‪@alexmschatz.bsky.social‬, joined on 13. Mai 2023"

sorry suckers i'm better than you

What is hsppening on this app

I'm keeping my unhinged shit on Bluesky tho, no way that's going on Instagram

Every zoomer is a metrosexual

Shot a gun for the first time today

Many guns actually, including an AR-15, a WWII-era sniper rifle, a six-shooter, and a pre-1914 German handgun

Not a diss on people who prefer to be more casual – that's their prerogative – but an observation on how things are apparently done differently in northern Minnesota

My assumption has always been that formal attire is the expectation for weddings and funerals, but I guess not

This is my mom's side of the family. When her dad passed away last year, I think I was the only person at the funeral in a dark suit

Dress code for my cousin's wedding is "rustic", meaning jeans and a nice shirt or, "if you want to bring it up a level", a cowboy hat and boots

I'm super high and I think my dad is teaching me how to steal umbrellas

Babies are weak af. I just slept in a hot car for ninety minutes and didn't die

I wish my eyesight was good enough to be a fighter pilot

My percetion of time is so skewed right now that thirty minutes feels like eight hours. It is uncomfortable.

I'm high and I'm pretty sure my dad is trying to convince me to eat a dog bone

Might be the crush

It's not the THC, I'm sober now

Okay, it's getting light again, and I haven't actually slept at all

Whoops

Do NOT google this

Why did I decide to watch Walls Fall Out while high

I'm losing my fucking mind

Can't stop smiling and feeling so happy. Dunno if that's due to the THC or if this is just the person I would've been for the past two decades if I hadn't been weighed down by really bad OCD

Turns out I need glasses – not because I can't see well, but because my left eye is so bad that my brain is getting basically all its information from my right eye

S-tier fit

Two weeks living at dad's place and it's already intolerable

Starting to wonder why the fuck I did this

My dad watches federal government training videos for entertainment

If I ever do this, shoot me

My dad is filling in working at his friend's dispensary and he *loves* it

Fuck it. I don't have to be up early. Starting another episode of Deutschland 83

Applying for a job and the company's registered address (which is the only address I can find) appears to be the founder's house

Gonna include it in the cover letter and hope they're more impressed than freaked out

Dad's cat is a foot fetishist

Finally put up my mirror in my room, unfortunately not much else is done in there (blame the OCD meds for making me sleep fourteen hours a day)

There is so much cat and dog hair covering every surface of my dad's house, it's making me insane

Just sold my soul by creating a form for work whose 'add me to your mailing list' checkbox is checked by default