Bethie

Partner tries to get my attention. Can not be heard over Alpha Wolf blaring from the speakers. Comes around the corner. Sees me holding an iced coffee in one hand and a hammer in the other. Fear enters his eyes. I never find out what he wanted to say.

I saw a spider while waiting at a piercing studio today and was super brave about it in front of my dad's ex.

Started writing fanfiction. Do not ask me how my mental health is doing.

Hey did you know that you can accidentally bite the little flaps under your tongue (apparently called plica fimbriata)? Unrelated, my waterproof mascara is really living up to its name.

Apparently, the professional things to say is "let's discuss this after lunch" and not "I can't talk to you I'm eating macaroni."

Save me microwave bean bag microwave bean bag save me

I am my therapist's first client on a Monday morning. I could set the tone for this man's whole week. This is too much power.

I'm like, on a surface level, aware. But deeply not.

Why is my to do list so long? (I am trusted at work). Why do I have so many emails? (People value my opinion). Why am I on so many projects?? (I crave to be helpful). Who would do this to me??? (It was me).

Hit my tooth on the coffee mug at the first sip. The day is ruined. No one talk to me.

If you come into my office and I am not laying flat on the floor, I want you to know that I am laying flat on the floor in my mind. Just so we understand each other.

Filled with rage over not being a shrimp with a sick tank and too many little legs and cool looking plants and rgb lights and bubbles

chef tip: microwave metal for an unforgettable light show.

If you sit next to me on an airplane, you've gotta act like you're wearing horse blinders. I'm not responsible for any trauma you incur by reading something over my shoulder.

Experienced feelings today. Not sure I'd recommend.

i swallowed a sharp rock because i saw a bird do that for digestion and now i have “internal bleeding”

“fuck it we ball” i say as the terrors take hold

Boys with fangs.
That's it that's the post.

"Are you okay? You look tired." Bro I can hear the electricity. I can feel my bones. Be nice to me right now.

i wish i could simple take my spine out, wring it out like a towel, and put it back in.

Cut my tongue on a potato chip. Hellfire.

When my date introduced himself as the boogie man I was afraid we'd spend hours in a noisy club. Imagine my relief when we spent hours just randomly grabbing uncovered feet from underneath beds.

You're in their DMs. I'm in their CV as a co-author. We are not the same.

"No worries!" I say. There are actually many worries. None of which I'm going to tell you about.

Experiencing gender envy while thinking about pill bugs

They look like they eat Styrofoam for fun. No no, that's not an insult. Just. An observation.

Normalize casually asking groups of 3 straight men who look the same if they're a throuple

Making tense eye contact with a bird. It wants my coffee cake. Carnally, I fear.

If this elevator button shocks me one more time, I'm going to commit atrocities.

What do they do to hotel minifridges to make them scream into the night like that