Samantha Ruddy

You should be able to bounce someone from a city

The US and Israel have kind of a Hannah Montana thing going on where as soon as I saw that Israel was bombing Iran, I was like “ah so the US had to be there as well.”

I promise you that the government that murdered Alex Pretti and Renee Good does not give a flying fuck about the protests in Iran.

I’m working on a sitcom about a Y2K era boy band and I think my favorite plotline is when one of them gets smooth-talked into joining the army during the Iraq war.

Bari Weiss has fired the Animaniacs due to a lack of political balance

the party that wants to require ID to vote abruptly invalidating a thousand people’s IDs overnight seems like a pretty giant flashing red light

They won't start with banning birth control. First they'll lie about it. Then dictate who can prescribe it, use it, fund it, in what forms, and for how long. Suddenly, your doctor won't call you back. I know this is what they'll do because it's what they're doing to transgender healthcare right now.

All up in the Northeast in June! ALL UP IN IT! Get yer tickets starting this Friday!!!

squidward from spongebob squarepants looks out a window ALT: squidward from spongebob squarepants looks out a window

Americans waking up to news that Prince Andrew has been arrested for Epstein ties

A photo of an ice cream machine with a sign reading, "Anything is possible with ice cream." Beneath that is a hand lettered sign reading, "No ice cream".

2026 basically

I love when you go through TSA and they make you stand like a create-a-player

I went to Holy Cross High School. In 10th grade we got to vote on the new mascot name. The Holy Cross Dressers won overwhelmingly, but the administration refused to listen to the people (15 year ago old children) and now they’re called the Crusaders. Democracy dies in darkness.

In retrospect, all the plane crashes at the beginning of this administration may have been foreshadowing.

It’s so funny to think about the fact that there’s people out there deferring every life decision to this

The Democrats’ ability to use the language of social justice and economic equality without actually doing anything that alters the status quo has caused a lot apolitical, tuned out people (the average voter) to assume the status quo is those things.

*in my most gentle therapist voice*
What’s the next wrong decision?

Even if you think AI is the future, why are we already putting it in everything already when it’s half finished?? I’m also wrong half the time and I know that I shouldn’t be propping up our entire economy.

Just ultimately decided I didn’t want to apply for a higher profile gig in children’s media because of the level of scrutiny leveled at LGBT people in those spaces and then remembered our straight president is a literal pedophile

Grandpa: Are you going to move back to New York if you get a job there?

Me: probably

Grandpa: Will your partner come?

Me: We’re married, so yeah.

Grandpa: Well I don’t know how it works with girls

We love a king who’s trying his very best.

You can tell if slang will stick by if older generations adopt it. Cooked? Instant classic. Boomer grandpas are approaching icy sidewalks like “I’m so cooked.”
Alternately, I don’t think ‘mogged’ has the juice. Its reach is fully maxing out at millennials clinging to our youth.

Got chipotle and the employe making my burrito really went off with the amount of the chicken, prompting her narc coworker to ask if I had ordered double chicken. Took all my self control not to reply “that is between us and god.”

Every CEO of an AI company right now

DraftKings Introduces In-Dream Betting

DraftKings Introduces In-Dream Betting https://theonion.com/draftkings-introduces-in-dream-betting/

There’s no way the job data is real right?
- an unemployed person

Israel used weapons in Gaza that made thousands of Palestinians evaporate US-made thermal weapons burning at 3,500C caused 2,842 people to "evaporate" in Gaza, Al Jazeera investigation finds.

“Four of my children just evaporated,” Badran said, holding back tears. “I looked for them a million times. Not a piece was left. Where did they go?”

There are no words to adequately describe the evil here.

Online betting sites shouldn’t be able to advertise. You should have to learn about them through your unreliable uncle or your friend’s older brother who should really be hanging out with people his own age.

We can easily do the Olympics every year. Let’s just add in the spring and fall Olympics on the 1s and 3s. I want to win a bronze medal in corn maze. I want to take home the gold in allergies.

New Muppet Show yet again confirms the unassailability of the “puppets scrambling to put on a little show” format

Act like you’ve faked a kidnapping before and stop lowballing

Ugh been there. No suggestions, just solidarity.