Jon Monie

I've just verified my age with a word-perfect rendition of the monologue from The A-Team's opening credits.

I was talking about ITV's News at Ten. Regardless of when individual stories broke, some are more important imho.

I'm delighted the Lionesses won and I'm saddened by the passing of Ozzy Osbourne - but there is something very wrong in our society when the national news leads with a football story first, the passing of a musician second, and the deliberate starvation of innocent children third.

Betty Swallocks, Ricky Sting.
Ricky Sting, Betty Swallocks.
🤝

Brilliant start to the day; found a leaflet for a strip club and got off to a flyer.

We never knew we could want more than that out of life
Surely Linda and Trevor would always have gnomes on their drive

Scenes From A British Restaurant
(with sincere apologies to Billy Joel)

Linda and Trevor they were not very clever
But the king and the queen of the fete
Driving at speed in a Ford Capri with a personalised plate
Nobody dressed quite as skimpy
Or was more of a shit at the local Wimpy

Ha!

Fame. I'm gonna live forever.

"She got the four of diamonds on the soles of her shoes"

Impossible to recommend and applaud 'The Assembly' enough. Life-affirming tv with an abundance of authenticity and humanity. Best thing on the box in a long, long time. 👏👏👏
#theassembly #itv

TV idea: VIRGO
Virgo is an unconventional homicide detective from Lancashire played by John Virgo. Grumpy face/heart of gold, this guy doesn’t follow the Miss rules. Has a terrier called Dennis. Catchphrases:
"Where's the murder weapon going?" & "Is there any DNA?" "There's *always* DNA."
#Snooker

In these challenging times someone might need one of them:
Childline: 0800 1111
Samaritans: 116 123
Domestic Violence Hotline: 0808 2000 247
Mind: 0300 123 3393
Age UK: 0800 169 6565
Alcoholics Anonymous : 0800 9177 650
Cruse Bereavement Care: 0808 808 1677
MH text support: 85258

My parents went to a 1980s convention and all I got was this blousy t-shirt.

So, farewell then WH Smith - home of my first Saturday job on the typically random 'Records and Pens' counter. The day a customer demanded, "How long does an ink cartridge last?" remains a particular highlight.

I drove all night
To get to Bude

Oh man. Gene Hackman. As complete a screen actor as there's ever been. Everyman or President, he brought truth, weight, and humanity to each role; you couldn't take your eyes off him. A giant.

Apparently, I've too much iron in my blood. I say this with a heavy heart.

Some people have, say, twenty countries they want to visit before they die. I can't even think of twenty friends I'd like to see before I pop off.

(This is a joke. I've scraped together a list of twenty-one, three of which are dogs.)

Went with dad to visit mum in the nursing home today. They met as teenagers, chatting over the hedge that divided Trowbridge Boys and Girls schools - a love that has lasted over 60 years. This photo makes my heart happy. #Dementia #ForACure

Deliberately wrote a crap joke by adding a typo. Sometimes I'm my own worst enema.

RIP Tony Slattery.
'Whose Line Is It Anyway?' brought me so much joy as a comedy improv-obsessed teenager. His performances always sparkled with outrageous wit, immense charm, and delightful mischief.
A huge inspiration and a real loss. x

The Wicked Queen has been defeated
And panto season's now completed
I'm chuffed to bits to reach the end
And never hear those songs again 😉

Huge thanks to all cast, crew, creatives, musicians, wardrobe, Bath Theatre Royal staff, chaperones, and our brilliant audiences.
Till next time! xx

What's your son's name? He deserves a birthday shoutout! The 5pm performance, yes?

Sorted!

Thank you to Katherine and Fran for the beautiful flowers - incredibly kind! Hope you enjoyed the show (again!) and Happy New Year! x

Great to hear you enjoyed - thank you!

Thank you for coming to see us!

Passed a stranger whilst walking the dog. Started to say "Hi", changed my mind to "Hello", ended up with "Heil".

Lovely to hear you enjoyed the show - thank you. And there's more fun with Nick to come, I'm sure. Have a very happy new year.