the suffererrr

whats more likely is i will probably just stop using this site.

im so fucking paranoid

feel like i need to block a ton of people or maybe even remake

im not talking about actual serious issues and bigotry btw its moreso general vibes and attitudes

i am quite tired of it

too many under 25 yr olds with stupid ass opinions completely divorced from reality mistaking useless internet clout with morality.

honestly a lot of the vibes on this site are way too similar to like, 2016 era tumblr for me to be that comfortable using it

when i say it takes me a million years to actually trust people i mean it

and the only reason that im as close to my boyfriend as i am and why i trust him so implicitly is because i have known him for years. we’ve known each other since literally middle school. ive known him for about half my life atp

“again” i say as if i can recall a time in my life when i ever trusted people

yeah sure i would love to be able to trust people again and not feel like every interaction is one wrong word away from a confrontation but i dont know if thats possible atp.

and my fight or flight response is always fight so when i feel threatened or unsafe i get angry and aggressive. i feel like a cornered feral animal and i dont even know what happened to set this off

i know its like a symptom of how badly adjusted i am but sometime i just genuinely hate everyone who isnt my boyfriend. i feel like everyone is a threat and i cant trust anyone

man everyone is just pissing me off more than usual lately

man i really feel like im just gonna get fucking killed whenever i talk about anything but Especially my interests

nvm im fine

i am the dog and i am the vet euthanizing the dog and i am the person watching or whatever mitski said

that tumblr post thats like “every time i make a mistake i assume im going to be put down like a dog”

can i stop wanting to kill myself every time i make a mistake at work like lmfao!! isnt this getting old!!!

made valentines day reservations :)

im just pissed off and grumpy

love my boyfriend but everyone else die

god im so

like…… well yes

was complaining about some family stuff to bf today and about how i felt stupid for even being bothered by it at all and he went “do you think your emotions are childish?” and i had to sit with that for a bit

ill figure it out but im frustrated

lmfao mental health so bad im falling behind on classwork FUCK

by contrast my boyfriend now buys me flowers for no reason and stays up with me when im having panic attacks and i cant sleep even when i insist he doesnt have to. he’s great and i adore him honestly

there were so many other issues but these were the crux of it i cant believe i wasted time on that dipshit. what a fucking loser i hope your car window is still busted btw

“also YOU cant have any problems because im not equipped to deal with them :( and if you try to bring up how this dynamic is unfair and stressful i will shut down and guilt trip you for making me feel bad”